Sunday, August 5, 2012

Reality Of the road to Adoption..

In a state of shock..... I can't believe they are gone it truly feels like a dream. You have someone with you then you have to say goodbye. I mean we were ready for adoption status, so was every other social worker so this was so not what we expected.  Our last two days with the boys they were HARD, I won't lie. Tyler called me from court and the words were "they are going back Saturday", I was speechless I didn't even cry it was like I already knew. I dropped to my knees and begged God to change it. NO Judge in their right mind would allow these boys to go to a family members home where the mother could still be there even though she is still using!!!!!!!!!!! You think wow too honest??? Well I am being very real about the situation so you may not like what you hear . Our boys blended in with our family Tyler overcame so much and Trent did well getting him through his drug withdrawals that was hard and emotional.  They both thrived living here with what a family should be based off of love, consistency, uplifting God at the center. Yet our Judicial system thinks otherwise, that Judge that day said "Bonding with these boys for 9 months means nothing to me ANYONE could have done that. Are you kidding me???!!! This man who gets to rule what is about to happen with our boys has no IDEA what our family just went through to get them where they are at but ANYONE  could do it. Then I knew how this would happen.. We have no chance because to this system we are just glorified babysitters!!!! BUT NOT TO GOD!!!! He saw the whole thing and he knew our hearts and knows how much we love his boys Tyler and Trent.

I sat down with the kids and as best as I could I had to say these words, "You guys I am so sorry, while sobbing but Tyler and Trent have to move.. DONE!! I was done hearing them all cry and Tyler looking at me in my eyes and saying. "Mommy I don't want to leave". Killed everything inside me. He got up and ran back to his room. So I followed him and  sat on the floor and I held him so tight and we both hugged and we cried. I told him, how much we love him and if we had our way he would not be leaving. That we wanted nothing but for him to be part of our family. We both got a grip and I Looked him straight in the face and said " No one can tell us that we aren't a family because we are, God put us together so we could be apart of you and your brother even if we don't see you".  
After that I realized it not seeing them. We won't ever see them again that is the toughest thing to grasp.
There wasn't ever enough comfort with the Mom and the person who is getting them to allow us to see them ever again. 
The day before they left we decided to let everyone who was apart of the boys life to come by. What emotional day, We are so blessed everyone came by and gave their love to us and the boys. Tyler was given a bible and I had everyone sign it and I taped pictures of family and friends in it. That day God truly showed us how much our family was loved and supported. I know everyone couldn't come.
 So we got through that day then it was the day of....

That was the hardest and longest day ever! We all knew this day meant it would be the last to see the boys ever again. So we just treated it as any other day having breakfast together, lunch and playing. Tyler's buddies (aka the neighbor boys) came over to play as they to, they didn't want to leave his side and  didn't want to see him go. Then she was here our county worker the one who fought so hard to have our boys stay with us. We all looked at each other and the tears came. I kissed on Trent and so did everyone else. I put him in the car seat and it was the same exact county car seat I had to put Elijah in...  I lost it it brought too much of old memories because I knew what this felt like. All the girls and Tyler hugged as they said they loved each other. Then I picked him up and held him so tight and smelled him for the last time. I told him "Jesus is always in your heart and you are a good boy and you don't let anyone tell you different". He said  "Mommy I love you and I will miss you". He hugged his daddy as they both cried and Little Tyler told his Daddy " I will never forget you". I had Tyler go inside and get my perfume and I sprayed it with perfume so he wouldn't forget my smell.

Then they were off we all came inside sobbing and hugged together and we grabbed hands and prayed. Prayed for the boys and there new life and thanked God for allowing them into our home.
We will get through this for we know know down to the deepest of our core that God doesn't make any mistakes.
Please don't forget our boys and continue to pray for them as they are going to live a hard life.
We our overwhelmed with the Love and support from Family ad frniends and we are so blessed for that. 
Our journey is no where over so please follow us and see what is happening. I am going to be blogging a lot so you can see what they took with them as they left.

Galatians 6 9:10
So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if  we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have opportunity, we should do good to everyone.

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