Friday, November 16, 2012

The Enenmy will Prey on a Broken and healing heart.

So this month is especially hard for me as its National Adoption Month which we would have been finalizing this month with the boys. But this month we are big advocates of because we know and love a couple of special children who are no longer orphans because of there selfless parents and for that I am blessed to have been a part of and can't wait to be apart of Adoption Month one day.

 This is why its hard. I am struggling so my heart is vulnerable I can see and feel how the enemy can prey on it. Sometimes during this process something can trigger it for me or I wake up with a angry feeling. Like this morning I woke up with a aery feeling and was not feeling like my self and my post was going to be different. As I  was typing I felt as God was trying to tell me to not let the enemy in because I can't not move forward with a clean heart if I do. I don't think I have really ever shared my past issue with depression and anxiety it's very hard to admit. People close to me know I have struggled with it. I was 20 with my first episode of anxiety and then turned into depression I couldn't leave my house for a month. I laid on the couch everyday with fear and no emotion. Tyler helpless because he didn't know how to help me did everything possible to help me feel better. Than I found out I was pregnant with Faith and thank God it subsided. Year and half later we bought a new house Faith was a year and half same thing I went into the depression and anxiety attacks. I didn't leave my house eat and I couldn't even be a Mom to Faithe which remembering brings me to tears. I lost a lot of weight and was very weak. Our dear friends Steve and Regina knew my struggle and they came over and asked if they could sing me a song with their guitar  I can't remember the song but it truly saved me at that time. There wasn't one dry eye in that room and it was like they were saying to the enemy leave Michelle's heart and God take over. I became better for a while finding out I was pregnant with Averee I did fine Until a couple years later when Averee and Faith were 5 and 2. I got very depressed and had bad anxiety I even missed Averee's birthday party laying in bed telling everyone I was sick because I couldn't get out of bed. I actually am so shamed to say it I can't believe that it happened. So then I realized I had to get help I did try medicine and it made me feel worse. It does work for some people for me it didn't that isnt saying its not good just that for me I had to do something different. I went and got help I saw a christian therapist and she help me change my life. She help me to deal with scarring childhood experiences that I never wanted to remember and deal with. At 26 years old it came out and I delt with my demons I forgave my past and all I had to experience and told her things I hadn't even told Tyler. Things that happened that no child should go through. I got help and it forever changed my life I gave it to God and I felt no more burden from it. I don't know why this morning was the morning to share this but it was all God. This morning was the first morning I felt like I did 6 years ago and almost felt like it could take over. Than I prayed and talked to him and he truly took it away that horrible feeling and I know he is guarding my heart and I will not go there. If you feel like you are in the most blackest place in your life he will get you out but you have to give it to him. Give him your struggles and your hurt because he wants to take it from you. Satan knows I am vulnerable right now and I wont give that to him. I know God is guarding my heart. Depression and anxiety is one of the worst things  person can deal with. Don't let the enemy feed off of it. I am a testament that God does heal all wounds.  Get help if your struggling it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Please listen to this song.I know I put songs on my blogs but worshiping is one of my most inanimate times with God. Music has truly help me along the way. This song says a lot for me.                         

1 Peter 5:7
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

He made us in every detail to work according to his will! ll!

Do you remember when you were saved? That time in your life when you asked God to be your personal savior and accept in to your heart?

 I remember I was just a little girl went to a christian school and they asked us in class if we wanted to make that choice. I will never forget my teacher coming to pray with me. I fully didn't quite understand all of it but it sure sounded good and this God wanted only but the best for me. I lived my life like anyone else around me friends, sports raised by a single Dad. So maybe everything wasn't the same but I thought it was during that time. Not until my senior year in High school when I went on missions trip to Mexico did I truly vow and give my life to the Lord. I will never forget being in the poorest of poorest town and the people were so kind and generous. I was with Ty my boyfriend at the time not husband  and our friend Tim and Lindsey and we were talking to the Pastor of the church there Tim told him he liked his sweater and he took it off and gave it to him. No questions just gave it to him. Your thinking no big deal, but to see this man who had nothing him and his family lived in one square cement building with living off maybe 5 dollars a week. Had such a givers heart.

This has stuck with me and always had me thinking. Just because we give our lives to God and become a Christian doesn't mean we will live a perfect life and never go through trials or destined to live an extravagant life. It means we will go through it and have the Holy Spirit and Grace with us. The Pastor had no reason to give Tim his sweater yet he had the Love for Jesus and no other will in his heart but to love on people and serve. This Pastors life was destined for him even if that meant he and his family lived off 5 dollars in cement home this life for that Pastor does not mean God loves him any less just that he was who God wanted to be in that little Mexico Town.

Now to get why I shared this story we are all going to go through something in our lives that are some major Trials. Just following our Family you would see we aren't exempt even following a calling God had on our lives. But it brings me to think of what comes out of that Trial that matters most? Now I am not putting any hurt or suffering that someone has gone through any less of what it really was. I just know from what I have seen from what people have gone through what they turn around and do with it meaning BLESSING someone because of what they went through. I think of non profits or fund raisers all of that is to bless someone else in need because of what they maybe had to experience.  I am thinking of a friend who went through what no mom should never have to go through and loose a child. My heart hurts for her and her family because that is a pain unless you have gone through it you wouldn't know. But I think of what her and her Husband did. They turned around and blessed so many families and children in the Hospitals after the loss of their child. Now I don't why they did it but I bet you it was sparked from what they just went through. So this makes me think Does God turn our Losses or what we go through in life so we will turn into Blessing someone else who needs it? Right now I am able to something for a friend that I would never be able to do of my boys were here. People see me doing it and they think I am crazy. But Isn't this life for us to Bless and serve others? Trust me I would never want to go through what are family did but I look at right now what I am able to do for someone else. The families that were touched by my friends family might of never been touched if they hadn't went through what they did. Be a Blessing you don't have to go through a trial to be one. Bless someone today even if that means a simple meal, a phone call, paying for someones starbucks in front of you. There is always a way to bless someone especially during this time of year. Remember this life isn't yours to please yourself its about Loving God and Loving Others....

                   Ephesians 1:11  In Him we have obtained an inheritance,having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to his will.

Monday, November 5, 2012

This was a big deal for our Family.

 Family Pictures I mean everyone seems to take them. Its that time of year when Family's start to make appointments with their local photographer. I mean Christmas is right around the corner and you want to have your pics done by Christmas. Our Family has never had professional photo's done we have had family pictures where a friend or family member took them with there camera but never have we had professional pictures done. With our process of pursuing adopting I have also held it off because I wanted to be able to have whoever we had in our family in the pictures. After losing Elijah I held it off because I knew we still wanted more. Than we got the boys and I thought Ok I really want them done but we can't take them yet not until adoption is final than we will. So we had our friends last Christmas take a really fast picture of us in our backyard and we were good with that. I would always see family pictures and say I can't wait to do that.

Then it came time the boys are now gone and we didn't get to point with the adoption and no family pictures with them in it what I had been longing for, I had already thought ways we would take them and how they would all look.

So Finally I made the decision we will do Family pictures and we will capture our right now moment even if that meant they we would not have them in the pictures. So I cried  telling my husband and I told him I'm ready lets get Family pictures. So we did and here they are.........

 I know everyone gets pictures done our family pictures tell a story of God's Glory.
We can overcome the darkness and even though the picture may not have who I wanted in it It has who's is supposed to be in it RIGHT NOW! This is the Napier family yes you walked through the hardest darkest times of our lives but we prevail and we can't wait to see who gets to be in our next FAMILY photo...