Crazy Love.. Part 2

  So here it is the part when I said we know we have to take it day by day.. Well that day came July 18th. It was the jurisdiction hearing for Elijah to see if he would go back to his parents. I can't even tell you the feeling of all day I am just so thankful I did not go. Ty went and I stayed home with the kids and Elijah. During the day I would pray God give me strength and take my worries. I mean I was thinking a part of me yes he could go back but why would he? This was Mom's 9th child and she did not have any of her others. all though Elijah's older sibling who is a year and a half was in the la county system and they were trying to get him back because he was just in foster care. So me like everyone else even the social workers did not think he would be going back that he would be up for adopting which we wanted. So that day I spent literally holding him all day and just taking the moment in with him and the girls allowing them to feed him and change him and give him a bath. I didn't even want to wash his crib sheets that morning because I thought to my self, well Im going to jinx it I can just wash them tomorrow after his nap. It was 4:24 pm and it was Ty I stared at Elijah and Ty said this' There is no easy way of saying this but the judge found no neglect and he is going back! I literally sobbed no joke! I could not even believe what I just heard. I found out that I needed to get him ready and get all his clothes and the bag he came with and meet a county worker who will take him to his parents. So I called my girls in and put them all on my lap and had to tell them that Elijah was going back to his parents. Now mind you we never told them it was a done deal they knew everyday we would pray that he could stay with us. Faith and Averee and I all cried together. Averee asked if we could see him that weekend and visit him. I had to tell her it we could not. I told Lola who is 2 That Elijah had to leave and her voice just killed me when she looked at him and said  No Mommy. I know she didn't really understand but to hear that was Wow! So I got all of his stuff together that he came with the girls all kissed him so tightly and said they loved him and so did his Mimi that was there who took the girls while I handled all of the stuff. I drove Elijah to meet the county worker and Ty at our meeting spot. I couldn't even see while driving and he was so quiet in the car not even asleep just his happy self. I met Ty and saw the social worker and county worker and I knew this was really happening. I got him out of the car and Ty got all of his stuff and I held him so tight and kissed him more than I think I ever have and put him in the infant seat. I looked at him and remembered every second and kissed him one last time and smelled him so I could not forget and the stinker smiled at me... He having no clue to what was going on.... Ty just the same with his goodbyes and trying to be strong for me.. So that is a version in a nutshell.. So it has been two weeks and Wow what a work God has done in on our family... We are now capable of loving like we never thought we could that this family is a strong bunch. God is good under all circumstances.. Now you are probably thinking how could that judge do that.. Well this is what Ty and I believe we do not think it was God's will for Elijah to go back to his parents. God gives us free will and we all make choices with that. And that day was the Judge's free will and choice to give him back to the parents. But I will tell you this  I know who the ultimate judge is.. Our family is doing good we all have moment in this when we will talk and say we miss him. We have come to realize that Elijah needed us and God placed him with us and we loved him like our own and cherished every bit of it. I am so proud of my girls in how well they did with him and even now how they are doing knowing they are so lucky to have even got the time with him like we did. We went away last week on a family vacation and it was a real blessing because we could get away and enjoy one another and not fret on what just happened and God blessed us with a great time. While I had  some time to myself I was reading in my bible this:

James 1:2-5 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance, perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and not lacking anything!  That showed me that our work was Elijah and our faith was tested when he left and we trusted God the whole way through. God showed us that this isn't about us it is about our faith and serving him and that is just what we did we cared for that orphan just as God said to do.. To get to this point was hard because my own selfish ways came in.. The whole well he should be with us and his quality of life will not be the same. So I give that to God and ask that he watch over Elijah and keep him close. I am thankful that Elijah was not older and attached to us I am thankful that I get the feeling his parents truly love him they are just on the road to know how to parent well.  I am proud on the fact that we were able to give him back to his parents healthy and we did that, nursed him back to health and love. He got love from so many people and prayers that he may have never had before. We know that this was a life changing experience for the better and we Thank God for that and showing us. God is Good. I wanted to share my new tattoo and that I felt more strongly about getting one then ever. Here it is  Crazy Love for the Crazy Love we have for God and this process. The pink heart around the e is for Elijah and the blue heart is Ty and the pink is the girls and I to remind me of why we do what we do...and my tattoo could grow with other hearts. So you probably thinking Why would you do this again and we say Why not? There may be another Elijah who needs us and can stay or one who can't but God has a plan in everything and we trust him. Thank you to all of you guys with your kind words and encouragement I have taken that so close to my heart and we are so blessed with amazing family and friends!!

Crazy Love!!

Crazy Love!!

 Ok I know it has been a while since I last blogged. Things have been a little busy obviously. I wanted to share our journey so far and what we have been going through. Well He is here that's right precious baby boy who looks me in the eyes and melts the hearts of everyone in this family. Two and half weeks ago we left in the morning knowing we were going to pick him up the most weirdest feeling you could ever imagine. For all Moms out there you go to the hospital pregnant and know you are coming home with the baby but this is such a different feeling. That morning I was sick to my stomach with emotions knowing we were coming home with a little baby who I have never seen just heard about. What was I going to do when I first see him? will I think he's cute will I feel no connection. So we made all the stops that morning to all baby items stores to get the essentials for what he would need. I looked at my watch seriously every ten minutes knowing at 12 a clock we were going to pick him up. After lunch it was time we head over there and Ty and I pulled in the parking lot and I said to Ty you need to talk to me or I am going to pass out with every emotion known possible. Knowing 15 feet away in 10 minutes I was going to meet him. So Ty and I video taped each other just so he can watch it when he is older and know what we were doing that morning and what we were feeling. Ty starts to film me and I sob like a baby the tears just flowed then poor Ty started to also. It was 12:30 and it was all I could do but not stare at the doors waiting for him to come through the doors with his emergency placement Mom. Then it was him, He was asleep and He had the cutest face I have ever seen he was so comfortable and happy. I cried with such joy and thanked God for this moment. She put him on the table and Ty and I walked up to him and I did not know what to do. So I picked him out of his seat and just held him so close. We went to the car and I fed him his bottle so nervously because I have never done bottles before so I did not know the proper way to do things. Ty drove and I sat in the back seat with him on the way home and examined every part of Him. Just staring at him and wondering what He came from and what this adventure will be like with him. So it was time there were three little girls anxiously waiting at home with there Grandma Suzette who was on pins and needles the whole day with all other family and friends. I walked in and there precious faces were priceless they all said he was so cute. So now we are a family of six he blends so well with our family, heck He even kind of looks like the girls. We have been told that a couple times. He is such a gentle soul, he laughs when his sisters jump in the air he smiles when you talk to him and he loves his feeding times:). Now don't think this is just a walk in the park because this is the most craziest thing we have ever done. This house is now a full blown circus with an act going 24/7 I either am changing a diaper consoling someone or disciplining. There is a for sure change and adjustment the whole family is going through but with God's help we are all in this together. My girls have been the biggest troopers through all of this from sharing there Daddy and I  between the 3 of them now they share us with someone else some else they have never met or barely know. As I am typing this 3 out of the for are crying someone doesn't want to go to bed the other one is hungry and someone wants to be held. I will be back... Break..... Alright  back and chaos is calmed down I will say we get the looks and are you crazy but I will say this. Yes we are crazy in a CRAZY LOVE for God and even though this is hard and we will have times that we want to pull our hair out it is 100% worth it my friends:) I am so in love with this little guy that it makes it that much harder for the unknown. The unknown being until that judge say's he's yours even though that's the way it is looking you just have to take this day by day. Ty said the most powerful thing to me "Michelle The Rewards of this outweigh the risks" So true... He is a blessing to our family and brings so much joy :)