A Busy Summer...

It has been a long time since I last wrote in my Journal...

That's what it is, I blog but this is more like a personal journal I share with you all. I hope you had a great summer, you probably were busy with life and things. This summer we kept busy through the whole summer. Our family was on the adventure path for sure. We went camping at the beach, which is by far one of our favorites for this big family. Camping is the cheapest for us to plan. We spent a week at the beach house which is a family tradition that we all look forward to all year. Ty and I had our anniversary trip to Laguna, which was much needed. Oh... and we moved again, we do that a lot. Of course we took the kids to the pool too much. This summer we went to Mammoth with some friends who need an applause, who put up with this family in a cabin for a weekend, was by far a favorite trip. We did many day trips to the beach. We got the new house in order and all organized because you know we have that disease where everything is hung the day you move in. So while you probably saw pictures of us every where busy and having a good time, we really did. Kids were great! Vacationing with six kids isn't what people think. Yes, there is more noise and more food, but it works. You see Ty and I run a tight ship anyway so when we are on vacation rules and structure still apply. Yet when we are on vacation we are escaping the reality that being home is much harder. There is real life, bills, responsibilities and work to be done. So being on vacation for our family almost gives us a tiny piece of normalcy. We don't have these huge responsibilities like we do at home and Ty and I are almost able to relax. To the person reading this you may think, "Heck NO, vacationing with six kids sounds like hell". But for us it's our piece of Heaven. This is why I know this summer we sought out to be gone often, because the reality is being at home is way too overwhelming at times. We sometimes don't feel equipped to handle what God has brought into our home. We just do what we think is best for our family and vacationing for this family is good. After summer was coming to an end, we realized why we didn't want to be home.

Wondering how we ever got to this place where we didn't want to be around what is supposed to be familiar and normal. Our normal is different and I think even after two and half years we sometimes don't get it. This wolf pack is literally a full blown circus through out the year. We have different personalities trying to blend together and the constant task of being there for one another during the other ones activities and sports. It's almost like summer helps rejuvenate all of us for what we have ahead. So now that this is our new normal, vacationing will be part of that, even if it looks crazy and hard work. With that being said, go on a vacation with your family and make some memories because in the end it is all you have, not stuff but memories, good and bad. I'm so excited to be back and keeping you all in touch of what goes on in this Nest.
XOXO Michelle

A letter to someone who is so close but so far!

A letter to Her for this upcoming Mother's Day...

Hello I know we have never met but I feel like I already know you because I have three pieces of you who I hold so close to me. You must be beautiful because these three boys have the most beautiful smiles and eyes I have ever seen. There contagious laugh will melt your heart, the second you hear it, I bet you sound the same when you laugh. I don't know if you are good at sports but man are they excellent at it. I definitely see a future with them in all sports. They all love to be outside and if you give them a ball be ready to catch because they throw hard. They want to eat everything they can and as fast as they can, we are still working on that! They have older sisters who love them so much and are teaching them all they need to know about girls. So trust me they will be prepared as they get older with girlfriends. They are surrounded by family and friends who would walk the ends of earth for them. The boys love to fish and touch and catch bugs that are the most terrifying and the bigger the better. I find myself learning daily with them and just how different boys are, they just want to be dirty and wild with no drama or fuss. I will be honest when I first met them I was so scared! How could I Mother these three boys and my three girls at the same time? The first time they came to us they were curious about everything and were afraid of our dog Kobe who has become their best friend. They are all on a great schedule they each thrive on it and it helps me out. Now I know this letter can make them out to be angels, and they are for the most part but they can have their moments.

 Their moments sometimes make me mad at you and I am sorry for that, I guess it all comes in frustrations in some choices that you made that were maybe not the best. So please hear me when I say I am not angry with you actually sad because there is loss here. The boys don't know what you look like or what you are like they know they had a tummy Mommy who wasn't able to care for them but loves them despite it all. They know they grew in my heart and God chose me to care for them. From the deepest part of my heart I am so sorry for what you have had to endure in your life and that there wasn't someone there leading you. Maybe things could have been different all around but in this life we can't what if? We must live by what now? My families' adoption journey hasn't been easy we have had a rough battle through it all. Now I am not telling you that we are this perfect family and we just scoop up children who are in need, it isn't like that. See there is a  God we believe in with all our hearts and mind and one of His biggest passions is orphans and to look after them and we have been called to do that with all judgement aside, because believe or not this God loves you just the same and wants you to spend forever with him. I just want you to know I am grateful for you because without you there would not be these three boys and I want you to know I will forever be in their corner fighting for them and cheering them on through life. My Mothering has changed because of you I now am a Mother to six who I will do my best by and the boys will know what the Love of God  means. I pray for you and that God would intervene in your life and heal you from any bondage and for you to know there is a God that loves you so much he died on the cross for all the sins and mistakes that got you to that point. From a Mother to a Mother I promise to do my best and forever am Grateful. So this Mother's Day and every Mother's Day we don't forget you.

It Doesn't Last Forever...

 Oh my sweet, sweet friend there is Hope in the darkest place. I know it can feel like you can never escape this darkest moment. No one could quite understand what you are going through, but there is light at the end of that dark road, I know because I was on it. Panic attacks and anxiety stole my joy, my life and moments that should have been beautiful, but were not. We all experience that dark place but for many of us that looks different. My dark place, of anxiety, and panic attacks I know is very common and most don't share about it. I know I'm an open book, but sometimes you really can't reach people if you aren't open. No one ever knows what a story has if they keep the book closed. So that is why I wanted to share this part. I have come a long way in these last six months. Not being able to eat or shower or do anything out of fear, was the most terrifying experience. My husband and Mom saw me at my worst. I was either laying on the ground paralyzed with fear or pacing the house in panic. I never thought that I would feel like my self again. Being a Mom wasn't able to happen and I am not lying when I say that. I was literally watched over by my Mom and Ty, there were days when I just laid in a dark room. I will never forget crying to Tyler saying; "Will this ever go away?"  The feeling of I could never get through this, was so real and it ruled my life. Friends, it does go away and it doesn't last forever. Sometimes being in that dark place gets you to notice the better when maybe you wouldn't have before. I can already tell that half of you that read this have felt alone in the dark moments that you go through.

We all do a great job making life look different from what we really experience. Surround yourself by people who will cut you slack and are supportive even in the ugly uncomfortable situations. I missed many social invites I felt guilty but my friends and people around me understood. Sure not everyone understands what you are going through but just being loved through it is enough. My bible study girls showed up at my house with dinners for me in my rough season. They didn't ask me questions just loved me and sure I told them everything I was going through. If this is you right now alone and in that spot please go get help, it is ok to get help. Don't listen to this world that tells you, you are weak for getting help or even getting on meds. Can we just say thank you to the people who made those meds... I myself have been on different types of medicines and never did they work for me actually made my symptoms worse... But I now take enough vitamins to fill an easter egg, I don't think that it matters if you are or aren't on medicine, it first of all shouldn't have to be shameful or even a secret?  I  personally know some people who might look like they have it all together but actually they are on those medicines because it helps them. We live in a society that some would say you are weak if you need to resort to medicine. Well, those people need to spend a week with some of us mentally ill and then tell me what they would think. All to say is, don't be ashamed for getting help but be proud that you did. Trust me you are stronger for getting help and even admitting you need it. My friend, it doesn't have to last forever if you don't let it. Your/our dark moments are not lasting, just a glitch to this thing called life.

Evil Creeps In...

• When things get rough around here they really get rough. Our family is now adjusting after two years being a unit of eight. Six kids different personalities and two parents trying to stay a float in all areas they are given. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever know how hard parenting would be and adoption for that matter. Many times Ty and I say: "We make a Good team" but wow does our team lose often. Just this past week Evil has creeped in our home and taken over. It started by a very angry child who was very disrespectful to Ty and I. Threw some major fits all in front of their friends. Needless to say it did not go well, I felt defeated. Tyler was at a loss for what just happened. This child was saved by having friends over to what really could have taken place. It is so amazing how much our kids can dictate our whole moods. So the day went on and this child still was having an awful day. We then left later to a game for one of the kids and games are not the easiest to watch. One child is playing the sport and the other five are being wrangled up constantly like a herd of sheep.  Dad helps out the coach so I am always trying to get glimpse of my kid playing while hoping one child isn't eating a strangers food or leaving in the parking lot. After a really long day and game we had the quietest ride home. Ty and I were so ready for the day to be over we were both done. So after both of us saying we did not eat dinner, a child walking to the bathroom manages to fall and split his head wide open at nine at night. Ty made one look at it, got shoes for the both of them and they were out the door with no good bye or anything. I knew at that moment this day really was not a good one. And just to give a glimpse we do not live close to the nearest hospital it is 20 minutes away and yes to us that is long. The girls were fighting who would get in the shower and ugly to each other. I could only imagine my girls being nice to each other when the word go take a shower is said. Then the screaming starts "Mommy" the toilet is overflowing!"  I don't do toilets that's Ty's thing, if its a thing?

Doesn't the Evil that has taken over my home know I could not take on one more thing? So thankfully I knew what I was doing and managed to fix the toliet. Defenitley went to bed defeated and Ty was gone for a while with the clumsy child. This will be his second set of stitches in his head. The weekend was still overwhelming. Two kids came down with strep throat one with a viral infection. Waited at the Dr's for 2 1/2 hours. So we decided to run errands instead, where my son managed to pee all over the floor at the Apple store. He then threw his nasty bandaid covering his owie at the employee. I can't make this stuff up. Thank goodness my Mom was able to manage the fort and pick up from bus stop and make cupcakes for the class for someones birthday. Also another grandparent took one to dance and did homework with another. (THANKFUL) Ty wasn't able to come home becasue he had a work meeting and the day was already so long and kids were sick and super grumpy. He got home really late and looked at me and just kneeled next to my bed and prayed. He prayed for this Evil that has taken up our home to be gone because it is wearing us out. My Pastor told me once "I pray for you guys a lot." I wonder why? This life is hard and nuts and full of stories and events in the Napier Casa.
But isn't this story I just told one you already experienced this week or sometime,  just maybe a different version? We aren't a cookie cutter family that is for sure. When our door closes we experience it all, the good, bad and the ugly. Evil doesn't skip us and I know it doesn't for everyone else too. So fight the good fight during the rough seasons, because thats why it is a season. It doesn't last forever and "THE JOY COMES IN THE MORNING" These are just stories and they may seem small but they are hard stuff in the midst of life and a big family. Would you be praying for our family as we enter a new stage, "counseling". Yep I said the word counseling the one everyone thinks you are weak if you do it or say it. We have now come to a point with one of our children and feel its best and I myself have got the best help through counseling. You know I try to be transparent through my blogs. So this is us the Napier crew going through some hard stuff. These past 4 years have rocked our world and we are getting through the hard all together as a family. We are all just a bunch of nuts trying to not crack.

                                                       Michelle:)

Not 50/50 but 100/100

You know those puppy commercials that when they call out for dinner time they all rush in? 

Well that is the Napier house on Sunday Mornings when you say "let's get ready it is time for breakfast and church!" We have early risers aren't we lucky? Our kids don't ever sleep in and it is not like we have babies we have older children. It is like they have morning meetings while Ty and I are sleeping to see who can get up the earliest. Now my post reads 100/100 because that is how our marriage works and has to with raising a full blown NUT House. I posted a pic yesterday of the kids dressed nice and hair done even three girls hair curled before church and we go to first service.

This is how we do it,

 I am married to a man who likes to get up early, and no way do I share that with him.

So by the time I get out of bed breakfast is already made for 6 hungry savages.

Then I get up to get the kids clothes out because he can't be trusted, and I am way too much of a control freak about it.  Surprise you already must  have known that. We both work as a team tackling our morning. He always lets me get ready and is usually waiting for me very last. You want to know the big ticker how it all works, Ty blow drys my hair while I am curling three girls at a time. Yep that is right he totally helps me because it takes me 25 minutes to do that. And I am able to do my girls hair too. You may say "Why would he do that?" Well the boys are done getting ready and  by this time has the whole house cleaned and is waiting for us girls. SO it just works that way sometimes. It's not every Sunday because every Sunday I do not curl hair. Plus Ty would not be into that every Sunday he does it for the team.  But all to say Ty is the reason for me that things can run smoothly and we can be somewhere on time. I had to do it by myself for two and half months and now four days a week. But I am so thankful for Ty who is the best team mate and knows how much work goes into raising our crew. When we had our adoption interview for our boys we were asked "How come you want 6?" Great question I still don't know sometimes! But I replied, Ty is the reason I can say we can take in these three boys because he gives 100% to his family and to this journey. She then said "OK because we are having a hard time placing all three together." Obviously they are having a hard time placing 3 toddler boys together that is a sign up for CRAZY which we said "Yes" to. And boy am I glad we did. I would  not want our mornings filled without crying, screaming, laughing any other way. It is a reminder on the daily that God is working in me and family by the minute. 

But to the Mom who says "How do you get them all ready and dressed with six?" I say the same way you do it, I cry and kick and scream along the way too trying to survive the tornado we just went through to get ready. Pictures don't define our family truly getting to know us will for you. If you dare want to come over and spend time with these crazies. And remember you asked how we get ready for church to be there at the first service and that is how we roll.

Braving your " New Normal "

What does "Braving your New Normal" look like? So many things can top the list for so many. It just isn't narrowed to one certain thing. Lately it has had me thinking after talks with friends and a

New year starting what it looks like for so many of you. Nobody can define what Normal really  is because it is different to everyone.

 What my Normal looks like Trust me, probably doesn't want to be someones  normal..aka 6 kids. I want to say I admire so many of you who choose to be BRAVE to your "NEW NORMAL" or even your normal because that's the way its always been. Keep on being BRAVE my friends because their is a GOD who makes you BRAVE and gives you that strength when you think you just can't.

I think of a dear friend what her "Braving New Normal" looks like, 

 Her's is becoming a widow and so many strengths she has had to have with that. She now has to handle life differently not only for herself but now for her children.

She tells me "she gets tired of putting on a face and it is just plain hard sometimes".
 Yet she doesn't see how her story and how she handles to see herself impacts so many.

 She chooses to get up and out of bed to take on the day. To take on the day, none the less, with a smile on her face "always." I could promise you that she would never wish anyone having to "Brave that kind of  "Normal."

My heart aches for her yet I look into her eyes and she my friends is one BRAVE woman. She chooses to Brave the "New Normal" even though it is tough. I am so thankful for all she has taught me over the years. She has taught me more about Bravery than she knows.
And God keeps placing her into my life, and friends that is no mistake!

.www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc

This song gets me every time... I remember hearing it after losing my Grandma and it spoke volumes to me. Hope you can take the time to listen to it.

"Braving the New Normal" for another sweet friend comes in the form in a 6 letter word no one wants to hear. She is wife, mother, friend and her "New Normal"  will start looking a whole lot different. She tells me "I am scared what my New Normal will be like" She also is one 

 BRAVE woman.  She too doesn't realize how her Bravery has impacted so many.
  She Braves the day knowing there is a long road ahead of her, and she TRUST in the one who calls her "Daughter". 

 My "New Normal" looks a lot different than it did from a year ago. I am now am limiting what I do and take on. I never really experienced being overwhelmed like I do now. I now set boundaries and  I didn't before. I am not able to do all the  things I did before.  I admittedly now say "NO I am not able to do that", rather than say "YES I can do it all". With "Braving your New Normal" it is very hard to not go back to what it used to be like, good and bad. All circumstances lead us to our "New Normals"

Sometimes we don't want to accept our "New Normals" because we thought  how our lives were before was just fine, but not always. Some cases we are ready to begin the "New Normal" because the past was a hard road.

We have to truly believe down to the core, that God has this
 "New Normal" down to the core and it all works according to his plan.

My family had a small taste of what our "New Normal" could of been like away from our family
and something never settled right for us. I had long talks with people who I respect to speak truth into my life about wanting to move back home. Some agreed some didn't but that is ok. God knew our hearts the whole time and he opened a door for us to be back home. But here is the thing, it is a "New Normal" to us being back home. Because things aren't the way they were when we left, so many  different changes already but that is only growing our family.
       
So what does "Braving your New Normal look like?  And the ones who you have around you or see "Braving" it let them know, encouragement goes a long way.

It's their "Gotcha" day...

One year ago today our lives were forever changed... Our three year long journey ended with the adoption of our three boys. Nothing could ever quite explain that day, community, love, family, support was  shown.
But not only were we celebrating the adoption, that is the day we chose to try a new adventure and moved to Arizona. What a year this has been for our family, nothing but growth that's for sure. This day is a proof of God's unfailing love. Adoption is HARD my friends but this day is a reminder that it is amazing and worth it even in the really hard times.
These are the pictures I received on January 10th, 2103 from my social worker saying there were 3 who had just turn 1, 2 and 3 who were brothers who needed to be adopted together. That they were having a hard time placing them all in one home. Couldn't imagine if we didn't say "yes".

Courage...

 Courage is not the absence of fear,
 but rather the assessment that
something else is more important
than fear.
Frankilin D. Roosevelt

First off I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who reached out after my last blog post. I didn't even realize how people I know or don't know who also struggle.

Last year was a whirlwind as you know for all who follow. Last year at this time I sat with a friend who ask what my word would be for the upcoming year well it was adventure. What an adventure last year was. Going through a really dark place and coming out of it made me think of my word this year... What would it be?? Then it came to me, Courage would be it. So many things have already happened that I have had to have Courage to do or even accomplish. Without having the courage it wouldn't of been done. Some of my courage has been coming in the form of saying No... I am such a people pleaser and doer I want to say yes. But it is taking me to say No that make me courage's. I was going to do a speaking engagement for a big group of Moms in February I was sooo excited to do it and to share our story and journey. But as I sat and really thought about it right now I am not in a place to do that. Having to tell the coordinator I would have to decline and say no was very hard for me. She was so encouraging and understood, my heart said yes over and over but I knew saying No was the best thing. Then it brought me to think how many other people out there don't have the courage to say no or even yes? I think of the Mom who puts her self last because her family becomes first. Because the courage to get there to say" I need to take care of myself first" isn't very strong. If  I have learned anything its when we put ourselves last no body can really have the best of us. I encourage that Mom out there to take care of her self first. Now coming first doesn't mean neglectful it means Mom's mental and physical needs to come first however it needs to. It doesn't make you a Bad Mom it makes you a better one. Trust me I speak from experience, never putting my mental health first got me to hit the floor.  Having the courage to let the people around you know you aren't ok and you are tired of pretending you are.
Your courage might look different in forgiving someone who really has done you wrong but you can't even begin to scrape up the courage to forgive them. The courage to saying yes to something God has been calling you to do.  Yet you put  that calling  on the back burner because you are scared of what it would cost you. The courage to say No I can't do it all. Yet we all have that fear of something that prevents us to what we are really capable of doing.
If you would of ask me 3 months ago I had nothing not one ounce of Courage. Fear came  in my life like a dark black cloud I couldn't escape. Having the courage to come out of that darkness is brings me to tears because I never thought it would happen. But here is the thing all our courage looks different. Yet we all have to have the courage to take on this life God has given us. All our life stories are different but we all have Courage you just have to use it. I need all the courage from the out most loving God who gives it. Mothering 6 kids is by far the  hardest thing I have ever done and need so much courage during my day. If I can be any encouragement is to acknowledge your fears and practice courage everyday.

Be strong and courages...
for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9