Little ears..

 

  Music in the car... I always play music in the car in less the kids and I are talking about something or they are watching their dvd player. The music now days it can be filled with so much inappropriate messages and language. I am guilty to the next sometimes with what I listen too.

I usually leave it on our local k-love christian radio the kids and I love it. The songs in themselves our like a personal prayer or struggle that I am dealing with. Worshiping is one of my biggest form of prayers to God.

While Little Tyler was with us he loved listening to K-love he had never heard of that kind of music before. He came from hearing  rap music. When we would be changing the station and that type of music would come on he would always ask us to keep it there. We would always tell him that it wasn't good for him to listen too.

Well that is when it started his love for christian music. He would love to hear what it would say and asked me to always turn it up. I can remember one time singing out loud with him in the car together.

Then there was this one day I will never forget.

This song came on 

Tyler said to me " Mommy this isn't our home hugh? Our home is with God in heaven" I said " You are exactly right Buddy" I cried all the way home with tears of Joy. This little guy has come so far and he gets it!!!! He got it. I still hold on to that day and will forever that he got it. He left our home knowing God will forever be in his heart and this isn't his permanent home wherever he is.. Amen....

Faith is 9..

 This little one made me Mommy first. She was the easiest and tiniest

baby.

Faith is growing up to be such a sweet spirit. If you know her she is very shy. She loves to play outside, ride her bike and dancing is a passion of hers. 

I am so proud of of the little person she is becoming. She was made to be the first born because let me tell you she is the most amazing older sister. Her compassionate heart has inspired me along the way. When our family grew from 3 to 5 over night Faith was my side helper all the time. Her heart is big and loves to help out with little ones. She is going to make a fantastic baby sitter for you Mommies with little ones down the way..hint hint..

She wants to do right, and her love for God is abundant. Faith is her own person and and I am so grateful for her. Just yesterday Faith won and made into her student Council to run for a class representative. She made a speech and had to say it in front of her class. I could never do that at her age. She makes me so proud of her for willingness to put her self out there.

Today is a day that embarked my journey into Mommyhood for that I am so blessed. Faith has made her name to the meaning for sure it fits her so perfect in every way.

Happy Birthday Sweet FAITHIE...

Getting through the Storm

Ugh... The Storm who wants to being going through that? We live this life hoping to never go through one or even experience it. Why would we right?

Now why do we do that? Want to live this life with no pains or misery when we know God has the ultimate plan for our lives. I mean if you are a Christ Follower you Trust Him. Yet when you are in the Storm you ask to get out or never go through it. We are only Human that's why! When we pray we  ask for blessings and healing, and in our case the boys not leaving our home.

With our adoption process being the craziest storm we have gone through in one year I can look at that and say someone has had it worse. God brought us to our storm which was different then someone else. Yet when you're going through yours you think there is no possible way it can be worse than what I am going through. So how do we know that when you pray or ask for blessing for someone they have to go through a storm to be blessed. I know with what our family has been through it would be like we are scarred for life and would be in a black hole. I actually talked with our adoption worker and she said "Our cases have been the craziest cases they have ever gone through". Even they didn't know how to handle it. I am not saying that you are a bad person if you don't pray and ask to go through a storm, just know we aren't exempt to go through one. Now you may live this life and never experience any type of storm. Yet for me it is hard to believe and you should be kind of worried if God never brought you to one. God boasted about how we come to him when everything says we shouldn't.
 
Beth Moore once said

 "God doesn't Lie so his boast are always based on truth. He permits and sometimes dictates difficulty for those in whom He boast so that they will PROVE what he already knows is true. The Lord does not put us to the test that He knows in advance we don't have the wherewithal to pass. How we ever know what he's accomplished in us if he doesn't show us? And how will Satan otherwise be proved a liar in our eyes?."

In your life what ever you go through or may even be going through make Satan a Liar and God be the truth. WE can choose how we react through our storms. I choose to get out of bed and be the wife and Mommy to my little girls. I choose JOY. Trust me I have bad days I also know God gave us tears and I use them.. Trust me. I am just trying to say I have been there and when you are at the bottom of that black hole God is on top with his hand coming down to lift you out, because he was sitting right there when you fell in and never left and won't!!! Just allow him to grab your hand and bring you out because if you don't he can't get you out. I am Hopeful for what is ahead for our Family and the little ones God is preparing for us.

Being Thankful...

    Being Thankful is something we can all struggle with. I know my self that I can get caught up with focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do have. We live in era that tells you, You can only be happy with fulling every desire or want you have. When really we should be centered on what God has Blessed your Life with already.  

This morning I was reading a blog in how as Christians do we really take the time to say, Thank you. Right now in the midst of our lives I can say "Thank you God for my blessings in my life. I know from the outside it might not look like you would call it a blessing, but it is from God.

If we took the time out of our day to embrace what we have, rather than what we don't. The joy won't be robbed of what is really good. When was the last time a blessing or gift, not a tangible gift. A gift from God to you came and went and you weren't thankful.

For me, is the Boys they were a gift to our lives and for that I am Thankful. Even when you don't think it's a gift, Gifts are from God and we need to remember that they can be gone in a blink of an eye. What is here today can be gone tomorrow, I can attest to that.   Try to through out your day to thank God for your blessings or the gifts from him. The soft warm cheeks you get to kiss to the ones who call you Mommy. The warm bed you get to sleep in at night, the way the sunset and made you smile. These are just all examples everyone has something they can be Thankful for even if you feel like you have nothing.

Don't let the I wish or I want or I don't have get in the way of the the real blessings in your life.

 Thessalonians 5:18

  Be Thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Getting through the storm.

 Today has been one week since the boys have been gone. By far the weirdest week to adjust to.  This morning I decided to change my blog pictures and profile for the story of our lives have changed. We are still in this journey to adoption and pray for what God has in store for our family.

I also wanted to change the pictures because the boys are now part of a different family and doing life there. So although they will always be apart of our family and story I just felt like it was the right thing to do.

Today I pray for the ones that will be in the boys lives now and taking care of them. God delivered me from my cold heart towards them I want to pray over them that they find Jesus and do right by the boys.  Sometimes in this life you will feel like you have been given the biggest storm of your lives and you can't get through them but allow God to work through you.

Gods love is always the same never changing even in the storm. God knew this whole time how this was going to play out and he would be right there to hold our hands through it. Don't hold grudges against something you can not change instead embrace in how you will handle it.

Psalms 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will not let the righteous fall.

Pictures say a thousand words

       This will remain the same. They will always be  blessings that were put into our lives...

              3 came from my belly and 2 from my heart even though they aren't here they will forever

              be apart of us.

   Proverbs 22:6

              Train a child in the way he should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it.

Avoiding Home and being very Honest..

 Home is the safest most relaxing place and it is usually where you want to be. I can't say this to be true for my self right now.
I know when I said in my last post after the boys were gone we came inside and prayed and cried. What I didn't say is after that we grabbed our shoes and were in the car to be away because I told Ty I couldn't be home after that all happened. Sure you could say I didn't face the problem would anybody?
 No one knows how they will act in a situation until they are in it, that day I handed over my two boys. People say they aren't your boys they are God's boys I also believe that, for that time they were with me though they were my boys. No Mom can be prepared to say goodbye to her children. Yes I know they are still here and not passed but it almost hurts worst. I can't say they are in a better place because I have no clue, I don't know at all what they are doing. From the look of it after talking to my county worker we probably won't know. That completely tears me apart. I went from everyday knowing their schedule how Tyler liked to be put to sleep with praying with him and how he woke up in the morning wanting to cuddle in my bed. How Trent has to be put to sleep with his binkie and a blanket over his eyes, otherwise he won't sleep. Now I have no clue what they are doing.
I went from having 5 kids to 3 overnight that is a shock in itself. This past weekend when we were away we spent time together and I think we were all in shock because I couldn't even cry. When we were somewhere I would always want to count the kids but I when I did I realized it was my habit.

This morning was especially hard waking up in this house and knowing I won't be feeding the baby and changing him and making an extra bowl of cereal. The girls are doing ok I think telling them what could happen early on kind of prepared them as best as it could. Ty and I were ready for the worst but when it happened we were in shock. The words from my little Lola that she will never see her baby brother again crushed me.

 Were going to get through this this is just so hard to grasp it is so not even easy to accept. In one year we have lost 3 boys! to our judicial system I don't get it nor will I try to.

                                                      This was our very last picture together.

I have come to learn why this is why there is so many children in foster homes because of what our family is experiencing at this moment.  It scares people to think that children they are going to love and bring into the home will go back to what they came from.  Because I mean when someone says they want to adopt that means they are not wanting them to be going away that is why people foster because they know that is part of it. You think well isn't that what you guys did. Yes we did and it happened to us again..
This is all part of being part of a fallen world and learning what comes with that. God doesn't promise us this life will be perfect. He asks us to do things for the glory for him even if it takes our breath away.

Reality Of the road to Adoption..

In a state of shock..... I can't believe they are gone it truly feels like a dream. You have someone with you then you have to say goodbye. I mean we were ready for adoption status, so was every other social worker so this was so not what we expected.  Our last two days with the boys they were HARD, I won't lie. Tyler called me from court and the words were "they are going back Saturday", I was speechless I didn't even cry it was like I already knew. I dropped to my knees and begged God to change it. NO Judge in their right mind would allow these boys to go to a family members home where the mother could still be there even though she is still using!!!!!!!!!!! You think wow too honest??? Well I am being very real about the situation so you may not like what you hear . Our boys blended in with our family Tyler overcame so much and Trent did well getting him through his drug withdrawals that was hard and emotional.  They both thrived living here with what a family should be based off of love, consistency, uplifting God at the center. Yet our Judicial system thinks otherwise, that Judge that day said "Bonding with these boys for 9 months means nothing to me ANYONE could have done that. Are you kidding me???!!! This man who gets to rule what is about to happen with our boys has no IDEA what our family just went through to get them where they are at but ANYONE  could do it. Then I knew how this would happen.. We have no chance because to this system we are just glorified babysitters!!!! BUT NOT TO GOD!!!! He saw the whole thing and he knew our hearts and knows how much we love his boys Tyler and Trent.

I sat down with the kids and as best as I could I had to say these words, "You guys I am so sorry, while sobbing but Tyler and Trent have to move.. DONE!! I was done hearing them all cry and Tyler looking at me in my eyes and saying. "Mommy I don't want to leave". Killed everything inside me. He got up and ran back to his room. So I followed him and  sat on the floor and I held him so tight and we both hugged and we cried. I told him, how much we love him and if we had our way he would not be leaving. That we wanted nothing but for him to be part of our family. We both got a grip and I Looked him straight in the face and said " No one can tell us that we aren't a family because we are, God put us together so we could be apart of you and your brother even if we don't see you".  

After that I realized it not seeing them. We won't ever see them again that is the toughest thing to grasp.

There wasn't ever enough comfort with the Mom and the person who is getting them to allow us to see them ever again. 

The day before they left we decided to let everyone who was apart of the boys life to come by. What emotional day, We are so blessed everyone came by and gave their love to us and the boys. Tyler was given a bible and I had everyone sign it and I taped pictures of family and friends in it. That day God truly showed us how much our family was loved and supported. I know everyone couldn't come.

 So we got through that day then it was the day of....

That was the hardest and longest day ever! We all knew this day meant it would be the last to see the boys ever again. So we just treated it as any other day having breakfast together, lunch and playing. Tyler's buddies (aka the neighbor boys) came over to play as they to, they didn't want to leave his side and  didn't want to see him go. Then she was here our county worker the one who fought so hard to have our boys stay with us. We all looked at each other and the tears came. I kissed on Trent and so did everyone else. I put him in the car seat and it was the same exact county car seat I had to put Elijah in...  I lost it it brought too much of old memories because I knew what this felt like. All the girls and Tyler hugged as they said they loved each other. Then I picked him up and held him so tight and smelled him for the last time. I told him "Jesus is always in your heart and you are a good boy and you don't let anyone tell you different". He said  "Mommy I love you and I will miss you". He hugged his daddy as they both cried and Little Tyler told his Daddy " I will never forget you". I had Tyler go inside and get my perfume and I sprayed it with perfume so he wouldn't forget my smell.

Then they were off we all came inside sobbing and hugged together and we grabbed hands and prayed. Prayed for the boys and there new life and thanked God for allowing them into our home.

We will get through this for we know know down to the deepest of our core that God doesn't make any mistakes.

Please don't forget our boys and continue to pray for them as they are going to live a hard life.

We our overwhelmed with the Love and support from Family ad frniends and we are so blessed for that. 

Our journey is no where over so please follow us and see what is happening. I am going to be blogging a lot so you can see what they took with them as they left.

Galatians 6 9:10

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if  we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have opportunity, we should do good to everyone.

VERY SAD NEWS TODAY

                                                  HURTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  So you're probably wondering? The boys are going back.....................

I can't even write about it. I just wanted to invite anyone who invested in the boys life to our house  tomorrow to say good bye and to pray over them. Little Tyler is having the hardest time and wants to see everyone he said. So please come by for as hard as it will be and pour out love to these 2 little boys.

I will blog the story of today later.....
                                                          

Waiting.......

So it's the day before our big day. I know all of you that have followed our family know we thought we were in this position 2 1/2 weeks ago. It got put back til tomorrow so tomorrow is the day. These 2 1/2 weeks have been filled with precious moments and family memories.. We all went on a week long vacation to the beach and enjoyed each other.

But don't think that it wasn't on my mind what was coming up. We are all ok and all the kids know what tomorrow is. There sweet little faces filled with uncertainty they truly have just been treating the days like any other and for that I am grateful.

                                                                        Jeremiah 29:11

So tonight with your family please pray over ours as we find out what God has planned for us. That the hearts tomorrow that will be broken either way, that they will be healed.

What if we understood down to the marrow of our bones that His is the only plan that really does end up prospering us?  -Beth Moore