Oh my sweet, sweet friend there is Hope in the darkest place. I know it can feel like you can never escape this darkest moment. No one could quite understand what you are going through, but there is light at the end of that dark road, I know because I was on it. Panic attacks and anxiety stole my joy, my life and moments that should have been beautiful, but were not. We all experience that dark place but for many of us that looks different. My dark place, of anxiety, and panic attacks I know is very common and most don't share about it. I know I'm an open book, but sometimes you really can't reach people if you aren't open. No one ever knows what a story has if they keep the book closed. So that is why I wanted to share this part. I have come a long way in these last six months. Not being able to eat or shower or do anything out of fear, was the most terrifying experience. My husband and Mom saw me at my worst. I was either laying on the ground paralyzed with fear or pacing the house in panic. I never thought that I would feel like my self again. Being a Mom wasn't able to happen and I am not lying when I say that. I was literally watched over by my Mom and Ty, there were days when I just laid in a dark room. I will never forget crying to Tyler saying; "Will this ever go away?" The feeling of I could never get through this, was so real and it ruled my life. Friends, it does go away and it doesn't last forever. Sometimes being in that dark place gets you to notice the better when maybe you wouldn't have before. I can already tell that half of you that read this have felt alone in the dark moments that you go through.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Doesn't the Evil that has taken over my home know I could not take on one more thing? So thankfully I knew what I was doing and managed to fix the toliet. Defenitley went to bed defeated and Ty was gone for a while with the clumsy child. This will be his second set of stitches in his head. The weekend was still overwhelming. Two kids came down with strep throat one with a viral infection. Waited at the Dr's for 2 1/2 hours. So we decided to run errands instead, where my son managed to pee all over the floor at the Apple store. He then threw his nasty bandaid covering his owie at the employee. I can't make this stuff up. Thank goodness my Mom was able to manage the fort and pick up from bus stop and make cupcakes for the class for someones birthday. Also another grandparent took one to dance and did homework with another. (THANKFUL) Ty wasn't able to come home becasue he had a work meeting and the day was already so long and kids were sick and super grumpy. He got home really late and looked at me and just kneeled next to my bed and prayed. He prayed for this Evil that has taken up our home to be gone because it is wearing us out. My Pastor told me once "I pray for you guys a lot." I wonder why? This life is hard and nuts and full of stories and events in the Napier Casa.
- When things get rough around here they really get rough. Our family is now adjusting after two years being a unit of eight. Six kids different personalities and two parents trying to stay a float in all areas they are given. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever know how hard parenting would be and adoption for that matter. Many times Ty and I say: "We make a Good team" but wow does our team lose often. Just this past week Evil has creeped in our home and taken over. It started by a very angry child who was very disrespectful to Ty and I. Threw some major fits all in front of their friends. Needless to say it did not go well, I felt defeated. Tyler was at a loss for what just happened. This child was saved by having friends over to what really could have taken place. It is so amazing how much our kids can dictate our whole moods. So the day went on and this child still was having an awful day. We then left later to a game for one of the kids and games are not the easiest to watch. One child is playing the sport and the other five are being wrangled up constantly like a herd of sheep. Dad helps out the coach so I am always trying to get glimpse of my kid playing while hoping one child isn't eating a strangers food or leaving in the parking lot. After a really long day and game we had the quietest ride home. Ty and I were so ready for the day to be over we were both done. So after both of us saying we did not eat dinner, a child walking to the bathroom manages to fall and split his head wide open at nine at night. Ty made one look at it, got shoes for the both of them and they were out the door with no good bye or anything. I knew at that moment this day really was not a good one. And just to give a glimpse we do not live close to the nearest hospital it is 20 minutes away and yes to us that is long. The girls were fighting who would get in the shower and ugly to each other. I could only imagine my girls being nice to each other when the word go take a shower is said. Then the screaming starts "Mommy" the toilet is overflowing!" I don't do toilets that's Ty's thing, if its a thing?
But isn't this story I just told one you already experienced this week or sometime, just maybe a different version? We aren't a cookie cutter family that is for sure. When our door closes we experience it all, the good, bad and the ugly. Evil doesn't skip us and I know it doesn't for everyone else too. So fight the good fight during the rough seasons, because thats why it is a season. It doesn't last forever and "THE JOY COMES IN THE MORNING" These are just stories and they may seem small but they are hard stuff in the midst of life and a big family. Would you be praying for our family as we enter a new stage, "counseling". Yep I said the word counseling the one everyone thinks you are weak if you do it or say it. We have now come to a point with one of our children and feel its best and I myself have got the best help through counseling. You know I try to be transparent through my blogs. So this is us the Napier crew going through some hard stuff. These past 4 years have rocked our world and we are getting through the hard all together as a family. We are all just a bunch of nuts trying to not crack.
Monday, April 6, 2015
You know those puppy commercials that when they call out for dinner time they all rush in?
Well that is the Napier house on Sunday Mornings when you say "let's get ready it is time for breakfast and church!" We have early risers aren't we lucky? Our kids don't ever sleep in and it is not like we have babies we have older children. It is like they have morning meetings while Ty and I are sleeping to see who can get up the earliest. Now my post reads 100/100 because that is how our marriage works and has to with raising a full blown NUT House. I posted a pic yesterday of the kids dressed nice and hair done even three girls hair curled before church and we go to first service.
This is how we do it,
I am married to a man who likes to get up early, and no way do I share that with him.
So by the time I get out of bed breakfast is already made for 6 hungry savages.
Then I get up to get the kids clothes out because he can't be trusted, and I am way too much of a control freak about it. Surprise you already must have known that. We both work as a team tackling our morning. He always lets me get ready and is usually waiting for me very last. You want to know the big ticker how it all works, Ty blow drys my hair while I am curling three girls at a time. Yep that is right he totally helps me because it takes me 25 minutes to do that. And I am able to do my girls hair too. You may say "Why would he do that?" Well the boys are done getting ready and by this time has the whole house cleaned and is waiting for us girls. SO it just works that way sometimes. It's not every Sunday because every Sunday I do not curl hair. Plus Ty would not be into that every Sunday he does it for the team. But all to say Ty is the reason for me that things can run smoothly and we can be somewhere on time. I had to do it by myself for two and half months and now four days a week. But I am so thankful for Ty who is the best team mate and knows how much work goes into raising our crew. When we had our adoption interview for our boys we were asked "How come you want 6?" Great question I still don't know sometimes! But I replied, Ty is the reason I can say we can take in these three boys because he gives 100% to his family and to this journey. She then said "OK because we are having a hard time placing all three together." Obviously they are having a hard time placing 3 toddler boys together that is a sign up for CRAZY which we said "Yes" to. And boy am I glad we did. I would not want our mornings filled without crying, screaming, laughing any other way. It is a reminder on the daily that God is working in me and family by the minute.
But to the Mom who says "How do you get them all ready and dressed with six?" I say the same way you do it, I cry and kick and scream along the way too trying to survive the tornado we just went through to get ready. Pictures don't define our family truly getting to know us will for you. If you dare want to come over and spend time with these crazies. And remember you asked how we get ready for church to be there at the first service and that is how we roll.