Darkest Place.

Behind that smile is a Mom hanging on not knowing what is going on inside her. Driving  home with her children a overwhelming sense of fear comes over her. Her heart starts racing and she is paralyzed with panic.  This starts to come a recurrence and doing things becomes harder and harder for her. Yet if you would look at her from the outside she looks perfectly fine. Yet inside she is struggling mentally. My life definitely changed 2 months ago going from being social and being apart of everything and doing it all. I had a panic attack that lasted 12 hours and if you have never experienced one I am so thankful for you to not have. It is one of the worst things to experience. From there on it made me fearful to do anything... I couldn't eat, the thought of being alone with my children made me so scared. I felt like this would never go away and I was trapped. My Mom came to stay with us during the weeks to take my kids to school and to be home with me. I could never say I how grateful to her I am for  her help. Even in my struggles while she was here it was the best and healing time for my Mom and I. She really stepped up and took charge over me and my family. And you know we are a flat out a circus ring. This experience for me has been the most humbling for myself not being able to do certain things or being at different places has been difficult. 

I am back at seeing my counselor who I did before and she has really help me put into perspective in what I am dealing with. See I struggle with mental disorder.... Yep that's right I said it a Mental disorder... Some may categorize that as crazy but it is not. I would never even want to admit that that's what I struggle from. There are many causes of mental disorders. Your genes and family history may play a role. Your life experiences, such as stress or a history of abuse, may also matter. Anxiety does run in my family and is genetic and can be passed down. But I have also dealt with some pretty traumatic experiences growing up.  I have now come off of a 3 year adrenaline rush. If you have followed my blog you know what we have gone through. So my body is now coming off of that and just letting it all go. See having panic, anxiety is such a mental struggle not one person would ever ask to have it yet it is never talked about and so many people suffer from it. It is almost a taboo if you were to say you have it or struggle with things like OCD which I have also. Growing up I couldn't control my environment but keeping things in control or doing certain things I could control I would do. My mentality has been such the Super Woman-Mom and I did it all and yet it took me down. Having this struggle and now trying to deal with it in the best way is a tough road. I have feelings that come out that I was too busy to deal with. Grieving my Grandma never happened because I was in shock and yet too busy to grieve and it is all coming out now. I'm learning that there are consequences to our lives the Napier's saying yes to  a Mighty God yet in those yeses are consequences. I think we go by in life thinking we are exempt sometimes from the hard stuff but in no way are we. I literally have never been on my knees screaming and crying like I  have been  for this struggle to go away. This is definitely something you can't explain unless you have been through yourself or struggled with. During this time I have met or heard stories of other Moms or woman who do struggle and who take medicine for it. See I think in our struggles if we admit we have them it is a major sign of weakness. But really you are helping someone else saying yes I do struggle and my life isn't cookie cutter. Yes sharing this gives people maybe many reasons to perform their own judgement on me yet I'm being honest about a real struggle that is never talked about. Daily I now fight this and wrestle in my head of what is true and is not. I still maybe can't do things I did before right now but I am a work in progress. I just now can say I find joy in this mess if that means you other Moms or woman can know you aren't alone. I am so grateful to my friends and family who have been there for me during this time. Dinner's being brought to us so it was one less thing for me to do. A text saying I'm praying for you or just thinking you. I could never say how much my husband has endured by watching me go through this. It has not been the easiest on our marriage that's for sure yet we come through the cracks. He has been by my side the whole way through. My children are who I think of when this terrible thing wants to take me under they are the reason I fight this terrible thing. I never knew how much Ephesians 2:10 would mean into my life until now, so much  so I got it tattooed on me over a year ago but recite it daily... I think I now know why fear is written so much in the bible because God knew what a struggle it was going to be to deal with it. Yet he doesn't leave out being anxious or anxiety either.
God knew what he was doing this whole time and if you ask me he does his best work in our darkest places because sometimes we have to get there to let him.

Always an Adventure...

I think by now you probably get that our family is always up to something. I usually don't go planning these crazy schemes but our life has been quite a adventure I'll say. When we wanted to make a change out of the same mundane of life we were doing boy did that happen. Our lives were changed forever. 6 kids later 3 moves 2 new jobs, a move across state. Living in limbo during this time hasn't been easy mentally that's for sure. This year by far marks it in the books for us. Our boys were adopted in January and we moved that night away from everything we always knew.

We moved into a new beautiful home met some incredible people, BUT something wasn't right.

We took on this new adventure God had opened doors to. We left our hometown to go see what it was like for our family.

 I must say I think a part of a lot people wish if they had the chance they would leave somewhere they only ever knew. 

And that's what we did, New school, new church, new friends, new neighbors. We lived in a great city had a lot to offer. But we still didn't feel settled. 

Now having 8 kids and taking all of them from everything they knew seemed to be OK for our family. I met some incredible people who I know now I will have forever friendships with.

Then one day I woke up and was toying is this where we want to be and raise our family?

I mean we had only been there 5 months already How could I really know?

I knew as Mom and wife that it was not the place for us. I mean this beautiful city has everything you need of convenience. So many things for family's,kids ect...  Amazing schools so many it hard to choose from. Our home is beautiful with a pool in a great neighborhood why would we leave that? Then it all revealed to me as much as I wanted the change of Newness I longed for and craved for the Familiar. But how was I ever going to share this with Ty? I would sound completely

insane and it would never work to move back home. We just moved 5months ago across state with 6 kids and went through a lot to get here. So one evening we were sitting on our bedroom floor talking and I just brought it up. I told him How I thought this wasn't the place for us and Our family should be back home. He looked at me and told me he felt the same exact way. I took the deepest breath ever because that was not what I was expecting. We prayed about it and had no clue how it would work but just prayed. During this time I was working through some hard stuff I had to work out in myself. Why was I wanting to move? What is my happiness based on? Is GOD enough if we don't get to move?

So fast forwarding a month later I dealt with one of the hardest things I have gone through loosing my Grandma Mary. That was really tough being away from family.

 So here is the thing I know people move all the time and so many are away from family. That we shouldn't move just because our family is there because one day they won't be same with friends. But I tell you what if we were given the chance to be back with our family and  friends we were going to take it. The kids and I left late may back home to attend my Grandma's service and to be with family. During this time Tyler got a call for a position that was opening. We couldn't of been more excited. He had the interview and we found out that week he got the job. GOD be all The Glory. Not only was it an amazing opportunity we would be home and he would have the same schedule too. No on call or work weekends anymore and financially better for us.

So we made the final decision for the kids and I to stay back for 3 weeks rather than going back to Az and moving back and forth. Hardest part was not saying goodbye face to face to a couple people. I knew they would understand and we wouldn't loose touch.

That's why if you have kept up with us and see no Ty in any pics is he has been back home packing us all up. The kids and I have lived with all sets of Grandparents. Very grateful for that because taking us on is a lot. The kids could not be anymore excited to be moving home. Just seeing them thrive with cousins and Grandparents, friends all around is more than I ever thought. There is just something being with family...Realizing the very small small stuff we took for granted is what mattered most to us. Even if that means I am a hour away from every convenience. lol We learned more about our selves, kids and marriage these past 6 months than I ever thought I could know. 

Today we move into our new house in the country although we will miss our pool.

God has big things planned for our family and watch out because I know he isn't moving us back just for nothing. He has definitely revealed somethings that we are excited about. So stay tuned.

I know I know crazy yet again moving. We should just invest in a moving company. lol

Ive learned life is an adventure take risk go through the hard stuff. We definitely took a risk moving, financially, spiritually, mentally. We could have stayed longer and endured what we were going though but God opened doors for where he knew our family needed to be. Ty getting this job was such a blessing because he isn't even going back to his old job or old place.So him getting a job back home was not that easy just all GOD. He is starting in a whole new area and different environment. We are so thankful for the encouragement and prayers along the way. Even when ugly truth in Love had to be told to us. We will always have a story in Az because it is now apart of ours. So if the opportunity ever comes and you don't know whether to move? Try it it might just be for you we are thankful we said yes and would have always wondered...

Transparent

If you follow me on instagram or facebook, you saw a post of what I feel like sometimes.

Yesterday was a day that defeat definitely won. I know what your thinking you have 6 kids everyday would be like that. Believe it or not 6 kids can go smoothly some days. 6 against 1 can be crazy. You get many feelings, different personalities. Someone has a little rough go then it throws everyone off. Yesterday made me realize I'm not the only one out there who feels like this. Yet you would of never known if I wasn't honest. Because we all can do a great job of making everything look Pretty. Pictures we post or statuses we write. You don't ever want to post a video of you screaming at your kids or saying no to them when they want to play. We post the smiles they just did for the camera but you repeatedly had to ask them or even take a million to get that smile. You never would want to post "Just flicked so n so in the mouth and then told him how horrible he or she is" we would never do that because then they would think I'm the worst.

But why is it so hard to be transparent and honest? Why must we front everything?

Don't get me wrong I know we are blessed and we have some really good days but lets remember that when the bad ones happen its part of our story too.  If we truly just cared of what God thinks of us, we could be more honest with people and ourselves. 

Because his opinion is what matters most right? Today's day is run by social media and that's how we think we know someone? We think we know them so much to even talk about them. Yet you have no idea what they are going though behind that screen. These past 4 years of our life changing have brought me to be so honest of our journey and our lives. I think God has allowed things to happen in our lives so we could be real with ourselves and have almost a reality check and boy have we had a lot. 

But if we don't have those rough patches how are we ever going to grow?

I want to be a encouragement to Moms out there, adoptive or not. We need to rally each other rather than pick each other apart. Most days I go to bed and think 'Wow today I failed many times", then I am so thankful that tomorrow is a new day. I know I'm a Hot Mess but a Beautiful Mess HE is making of me. God brought all this kids into my life. HE chose me to be their Mom and equips me daily even when I fail and am very hard on myself. If Mothering isn't about being honest, what are we teaching our kids? That life looks perfect always? I have to ask for forgiveness many times from my kids.

Your story will also help someone else out who is afraid to say so. Yet your honesty could be the

extra they need. Knowing I'm not alone is such a good feeling as a Mom. I have a Mom who I call a lot she is also a Mentor.
 I know I could call her and just vent and she right away will say "Girl that happens and its OK" and then sometimes she's honest and tells me that isn't going away.

We need those people in our lives the ones we are honest with and who are honest with us. 

Being MOM is one of Gods greatest Blessings but to remember without the really rough times how can you get to those really GOOD ones. You matter as MOM and don't let those bad days

let you feel different. He has prepared you already for your Life as Mom. I was reminded this yesterday. Heck I need to remember this always it is tattooed on my arm.

Much Love to all you Mamas....
If you want to follow me on instagram and see this circus. Follow me at Napier Life

For we are God's handiwork, created in christ Jesus to do good works,

 which he prepared us in advanced to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Grandma Mary....

    

 This is one of those blogs I have always known I was going  to write. But when writing it would be because she would no longer be here anymore. You know that one person in your life who you have such a stronghold to, the one who could make anything seem like it would be ok! 

Well for me, that was my Grandma Mary, a lady who made my world better. I didn't have the best up bringing in the world different story for another blog,, but I did have Grandma Mary. Her house was like a safe place you knew as soon as you walked in the doors nothing bad could happen. 

She would be standing there in the doorway ready to greet you with a kiss. I was always greeted with   "Hi Meeshell"    that is what she called me my whole life in her little Mexican accent. See my Papa Rae passed away when I was 3 and my Grandma never remarried she was a widow for 29 years. Being at Grandmas you knew you would get to eat dinner on Tv trays with her in her living room I would sleep with her even until I was 17 and every night was the same routine. Curlers in her hair and Bengae lotion on her arms. Wow was it such a strong scent. Breakfast in the morning was like no other, I mean lets get serious a Mexican Grandma in the Kitchen even a restaurant couldn't compare. Eggs,beans, salsa, potatoes and bacon. When my brother Noah and I would go there in the summer I couldn't wait. But I knew my Grandma would prepare herself. We were a handful that's for sure.

 See my Grandma never drove she was to scared, so we took the city bus everywhere we went. She lived right around the corner of Mc Dondalds and we would walk there but see with Grandma you always had to hold her hand or she would not take you. As I got older I spent more time just sitting in her living room with her talking about her life with Papa and as a Mom to four kids. I will forever cherish those times. In her kitchen growing up she had a owl cookie jar and you knew it was always filled with chocolate chip cookies, until she had to start  buying the healthy ones. Her candy bowl out in the living room was a tempting source of trouble when you were told no and you would sneak one in your pocket. As I talk about her and I wish so badly she was here I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for memories, because isn't that all we have? 

Grandma Mary was the most giving woman I had ever met her Faith was very strong. He kind heart is what made her so special. The day of my wedding I got the worst anxiety attack and wouldn't walk down the isle until she got there. I can't even describe the feeling I had when she walked in the back of the church. I will never forget how she smelled how soft her skin was and what she said to me. "Meeshell your going to be ok Tyler is a good boy" See I get my anxiety from my Grandma she was too scared to be in the wedding party and walk down the isle so she didn't. HA...

As I became a Mom it was my geatest Joy bringing my girls to her. I had heart problems so I had to deliver at Ucla but the biggest blessing of that is I was only 5 minutes from her house so directly leaving the hospital we went straight to Grandma Marys. She had the biggest smile on her face and would sing them the same song she sang to me. Chonie, chonie, chonie, chonie, chonie chone. I even have it on video which is the best thing to watch. I know a song about underwear but my kids even know it because I sang it to them. When she started to get sick and went into the home that was really hard because I knew her mind and her body was failing and it was't Grandma Mary anymore. 

My Grandma gave me so many baths as a little girl which I dreaded because she would scrub her nails into my scalp and it hurt. lol But she always made sure I was clean and ready for bed with her red cinnamon toothpaste I loved using. Then one day roles were reversed I was in the same bathroom giving her a bath because she could no longer do it herself.  What she said to me I can hardly type. "God Bless you Meeshell for doing this for me". She was in her most vulnerable state and I was taking care of her and I wouldn't of had it any other way. It reminded me of The I'll love you forever book, if you haven't read it you must. But warning a tear jerk. The day I found out she passed I just sat there with no emotion because I didn't know what to even think. She has been the one person in my life I have never wanted to loose. My girls  love her as much as me she was their GG. They spent a lot of time with her. Her service was beautiful and we celebrated a Great woman. She will never be forgotten and Mary Esparza's legacy will live on. Heck have you seen Lola she is the spitting image of her and sass too. Be grateful for the family that imprints on your heart its one of Gods Greatest blessings.

Hope is not Forgeotten...

 We grew up going to the same church went to Sunday school together and youth group.

                                         She was shy and quiet and I was loud and not shy.

                            We didn't hang out in school but always said Hi to one another.

We both worked at local business after and during high school. I married Ty July 7, 2001, and she got married July 6, 2002. 

We met up again after I was married I would see her working at the store where I  grocery shopped.

 I wasn't able to attend her wedding since we were going away for our 1 year anniversary. Us and our husbands would get together as we were both newlyweds.

 In January of 2003 I called to tell her I was pregnant to only have her tell me right back she was too...

 We both laughed and couldn't believe it we were going to be pregnant together.  We would always ask how the other one was feeling we were 3 weeks apart. I was due at the end of August and her in September.

In April Ty and I found out we were having a girl and we were going to name her Faith. Jen was so excited for us. Jen was having her ultra sound a month later and she asked me to come with her ans her sister and Mom. I was so excited. 

Jen picked me up when it was her day to go see her baby she looked so cute in a maternity clothes. I think her and I would laugh at what we wore when we were pregnant back then.

 Now Jen did not want to find out what she was having so we were just going to see that precious baby growing inside her.

Now before I go on I just want to say this isn't my story this is Jens. I asked her for permission to share my side I don't want to display anything of Jen this is just what I experienced with her. She told me I could share.

We went into the ultra sound room all of us walking in there excited to see even though she wasn't finding out. Lights went out and there was this precious baby on screen. Then the whole room stopped it got silent and dark. The ultra sound tech didn't speak she called for the doctor. Jen's eyes swelling with tears, her mom and sister staying by her side. I was speechless. My sweet sweet friend was just told that the baby wasn't going to make it after birth. So then Jen decided she wanted to know what she was having. Jen was having a girl a precious baby girl. A girl who was going to make the biggest impact. We all gathered around Jen and cried out in prayer over her. They then called her into this room for further counsel. She was then asked if she wanted to terminate her pregnancy?  I will never forget the look on her face as she said " No No way that isn't what I believe". She then asked me to have Ty bring her husband down not knowing anything. I had to call Ty and tell him but not why just to grab him and get down here. Jen is incredible strong woman. She hugged me after this all went down and said "Thank you for being here" What???? This woman who just found out her baby girl wasn't going to make it after birth gives me a hug and consoles me!!!! I tried to be so strong for her but as I got in the car I lost it. Our baby girls were supposed to grow up together this wasn't fair. This amazing Godly young woman is going to endure some tragic loss and she knows it. Jen endured many visits for the baby at Ucla to understand her prognosis. We were on a walk together and we just would talk about how their baby girl could be healed and our God was bigger. She looked at me and asked if I would care but they wanted to name her Hope. I absolutely did not care and thought it was the most perfect name for her baby girl.

I struggled so much with guilt during this pregnancy because I never wanted to make her feel bad for what she was going through. Even sending her a baby shower invite was so hard. But you know who was there with a amazing smile and love Jen was. 

In July Ty and I were at my Moms in Valencia we had been swimming and I did not feel well all day. I started getting a really bad headache I told him to take me to the hospital just to make sure.

So on the way home we went to the hospital and sure enough I was admitted for dehydration.

Now can I just tell you, don't think of anything less of Gods timing because this will blow you away.

As I was able to leave after being re hydrated, I see Jen's dad standing in the hall way. I asked what he was doing there he said,  Jen came in she was having Hope. Having Hope? she wasn't due til September. No, she was having her. We waited in the waiting room as he said she would want me to be there. Now remember cell phones were not like they are today so getting a hold of each other isn't like it is. I didn't know what to expect if Jen was going to be able to hold her baby girl if see was going to be alive when she got here. And God is sooo sooo Good. Hope was frail but she was alive. I walked into this hospital room and see my friend with this smile I cant even explain.

 A tiny precious baby wrapped in a white blanket being held by her mother who loves her more than she would ever know. Surrounded by all her family. Jen looks at me and I tell you these words

I will never forget what she said to me.. " Michelle I can't wait for you to be a Mom this is the best thing ever" Her knowing I was having a healthy baby and her knowing her daughter had minutes hours to live. 

 I started crying how Did God put this selfless friend in my life I didn't deserve her friendship. Because I know I could have never said that.

Pause.... Crying uncontrollably...

Ok back... She gave Hope to me who was so tiny and had the blackest hair I have ever seen. She was  beautiful. This baby so precious and I couldn't stop thinking how I was able to meet this baby girl I knew so much about and prayed for. Jen let me hold her let me hold her baby girl who wasn't going to be on this earth for long. I gave her back and said our goodbyes and Jen and I could not believe we were at the hospital together. I was so in awe that God intervened and I was able to be there with my friend.

 The next day Hope past in her Daddy's arms. 

Jen was so strong during this she didn't even get angry. Hopes service was absolutely beautiful. Jen was so warm and inviting and wanted no one to be angry but to thank God for everything. Watching my friend see her precious daughter inside of this tiniest white casket you have ever seen was heart breaking. I watched this Mother sob in tears knowing her daughter was no longer here.

A month later I had Faith and I am saying something I have a hard time with. I purposely didn't call Jen to tell her I had her. I couldn't tell her. I felt it would be too much. But you know who called me Jen she was sad I didn't call her and wanted to come see Faith.

 Jen came over and held Faith and told me how sweet she was and she was so happy she was here.

Jen truly doesn't know what a impact she made on me and what True Grace looks like. Jen has a heart of of gold and I am forever grateful she is in my life. We definitely may not always keep in touch but she is one friend that will always be in my heart. She has two beautiful children, Tyller, and Jet. Her daughter Hopes legacy lives on even if she was here for a very short time.

 This July Hope would of been 11.

 Being that Mothers Day coming up I wanted to share this story of one incredible mother...

Love you Jen girl.

    In Jens words...

 "He never promises us a easy path, but He is with us every step of the way"

Wait for it..... Adoption day!!!!!

WARNING.... This blog you may need tissues after reading.

Friday January 31st, I woke up in a utter excitement I can't even explain not only was my husband home from us being apart 3 months and I wasn't going to be single parenting to 6. This day was something I had only envisioned and dreamed about for 3 years. I thought i was ready for it a couple of times but God knew what he was doing even when I didn't. All I could think about was that my three boys were going to be ours. I mean we thought they were but this day marked the day. A day when we would no longer be with social workers, paperwork, someone looking over your shoulders the one worry always in the back of our minds are they staying or going. Ty and I were packing all that morning and couldn't stop talking about how in just a couple hours we were going to have 3 boys. Because if you didn't know we were also moving out of California that night also. When we Napier's do something we go all out "obviously" we are crazy. So we got the girls dressed up and I wanted my boys to look dapper so they all wore bow ties but the best was when their Daddy wore his to match. We have had so many friends and family on this crazy 3 year journey with us. I can't even explain to you that made a huge impact on us. It was walking to the court and seeing how many people came to witness our boys becoming Napier's. One of our friends drove 5 hours just to be there. during this process sometimes you feel alone but on this day God showed us how much our family means to others. Our group that came that day filled the whole top floor of the court room, the sheriff said" this is the most he had ever seen." Ty and I could not believe it we were overwhelmed by the love and  compassion everyone had for our family especially our boys.

It came time and they called us back and I couldn't stop smiling I couldn't even cry because I was overwhelmed by JOY this was really happening.Ty with tears forming in his eyes. he couldn't hold it back. Our three boys were going to have a forever family. A chance of really knowing the love of a family no foster homes no in and out of inconsistency.  The judge asked us to come forward and sit and asked us questions. I was so excited i would answer before he was done.lol He even told me hold on. I just couldn't help it. Then he asked us to stand and asked us if we promise to take them on until their adult age with whatever comes with that, We proudly said yes!!!! Then he said I know declare them as
Nixon Caleb Napier, Kai Josiah Napier, and Talon James Napier. Everyone in that court room cheered, clapped not a dry eye in there. These three boys no longer left as orphans of the state.

The girls were so excited saying you are our brothers you are Napier's now. The Napier name will go on, how neat is that. Now just know it was a amazing day and we are so grateful to God for this but I just want to completely honest. Adoption is hard, it is a blessing and beautiful but it is also ugly, tiresome and not for the weak. Yes our boys are now Napier's yet we still struggle with the struggles they have from what they have been through. Our three boys still have a long way to go and have come far but still will deal with issues of their young upbringing before they came to us.

I just can't believe they are my sons. Never did I imagine I would have boys little lone 3 of them. I do love them so even when they make me want to scream and hide. They never asked to be orpahns but I am so grateful God placed me to be their MOMMY. When they do have troubles and struggle I will be their voice and fight for them and they will always know they were wanted.
Because with adoption there is always loss, they do have 2 birth parents we don't know them or anything about them really. I can't even imagine what they may have gone through. I am grateful to their Mom for choosing life because she did there are three sweet boys with the biggest brown eyes who can melt your heart.  Our boys will always know they are adopted it will never be a secret. When they get older we will tell them their gotcha day story and as they get older age appropriate, tell them more. My boys know they grew in my heart and not in my belly. When they go to school they will bring cupcakes and read a adoption book to kids at school January 31st is their gotcha day. It isn't to make them stick out but to make kids aware that adoption isn't a weird thing and they may not look like their daddy just Mommy..lol but they are apart of their family just as much as their sisters. Blood doesn't make you a family we are testaments to that.

Gods goodness is overwhelming he has blessed us more than we deserve. In the pits of hell we went through he was there with us through it all and he knew how it would end up. My boys were planned out for our family before I even thought I knew. Don't give up on God because he NEVER gives up on you.

I want to share the verse that means so much to me I got it tattooed on my arm

For we are is workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.    Ephesians 2:10

Saying GoodBye to a small Town.

I woke up super early because this post was on my mind all night.

Leaving a small town you grew up in your whole life how do you leave it without saying goodbye and all the memories you have in it. I mean my little town who just got a Starbucks recently and now has more than one stop light. Where your graduating class had no more than maybe 300 kids and you were always guaranteed a train coming through your graduation ceremony and it would be freezing temperatures. My little town where you grow up knowing so many people of all walks of life. If you stayed after high school you made friends with people you went to school with and even the ones you didn't hang out with in high school. My husband and I are high school sweet hearts and never left. Got a small apartment and stayed. This little town you can go to the grocery store and see someone you know 9 out of 10 times and your kids will end up going to school with kids from friends you had in school. Also your kids could end up having the same teacher you did in elementary, now that's when you know your old. (hint me).

But more to this small town is the people who have been apart of our lives.I would have never met some of the very very special people in my life. I know our family is known by many but I know that also from inviting so many people into our lives. If it has steamed from church, school,  facebook, some kind of connection. Many of my readers are people I have hung out with in high school, as an adult and even elementary. With these people also came my teachers, a very special bus driver "Miss Anna", coaches, pastor of our churches.
 Many of you have been over to our house for dinner because I love having people over. If we even lost touch doesn't mean I don't think about you or remember you. I have thrown many bridal and baby showers for lot's of friends of mine in this little town.  Sometimes in a little town someone knows something about you before you do. HA. In a small town comes boyfriends you grew up with. Thankfully they weren't serious just high school, jr high phases and in my case even elmeantary. Some of my best memories are from high school didn't have the best home life but I sure did with my friends in school. I can't believe I am writing this because I thought we would reside here til our kids were old. Now we are headed to a huge city  where we will know very little and probably won't see people we know at the store or  kids at a sporting event. A new church where there is more than 300 people that go. I thought it would be easy to leave this little town but it isn't at all. I am going to miss it and the people in it. I cry as I type because today is an overwhelming day. It is my boys adoption today. Many of you have prayed for our family and if you live in this town know us and seen what we have been through. But today is a special day it marks as our boys "GOTCHA" day and we move today. I know when the Napier's do something they do it crazy. A huge sincere thank you to everyone who reads my blog and has loved on my children and Ty and I. I won't forget about anybody and the  memories they don't fade easy. It has been a wild ride and this town will always be apart of us. Heck they even featured our family in the  towns local magazine. lol not a big deal I know. Keep up with us on my blog as I will continually write and whats going on. Our family is made complete today well almost..... You never know with us.  I do have to share one more thing about this small town is there is no, Costco, walmart, Target, or any chain store. I truly did despise that but towns like that don't really exits anymore. I won't take it for granted that we didn't have them. I am going into culture shock where all those stores are 5 minutes away. I didn't say the name of the small town just for some reasons but if you know you know:)

                                                               Much Blessings
                                                                       Michelle                Romans 8:28

No I am not Super Mom, Just Super Crazy!!!

 Oh wow,
 How it has been forever since I have blogged. The last blog was to tell you that we are moving to Az and I am staying back with all 6 kids by myself. What a crazy roller coaster these two and half months have been. Raising 6 kids on your own will do something to you physically and mentally. I have never screamed so much, I have cried enough to fill a bath tub. Eating sometimes doesn't happen because I have to get the next thing going with the day. So then the comments come you look super skinny are doing ok?? More comments you are super Mom how do you do it?  These past couple months go something like this, 2 weeks of the whole family getting the flu. Lots of out of sorts children because life just got a whole lot different. Mom is a little more on edge. Family dog has to go live Gran parents because if Mom has to take care of one more thing she is going to go mental more than she already is. A day with all of them is wake up early enough before them because if I don't something will happen. I don't want  to wake up early because I am so exhausted from the day before. Make everyone breakfast get out 4 sippy cups and if you know about sippy cups it is such tedious work. Clean up breakfast mess because if you know me yes I am that bad Mom and my house is always clean its what makes me feel better. I always laugh when I see that sign that says" you know your a good mom when you have sticky floors, dirty ovens". I am a bad Mom because I can't function with a dirty house. Its my ocd.

After breakfast is all cleaned up and the two oldest are out the door its time to dress the 4 little's which takes forever. my boys skin is so ashy so with dressing all 3 comes teeth brushing, lotion all over and clean face. Then to do their sisters hair which is like Rapunzel hair. then I must make them all sit in my bathroom every time I get ready to watch them. The whole day goes like this repeating its self. Naps is my favorite time of the day. 4 little people are on the same schedule so praise Jesus. My two oldest girls have been a huge help to me these couple of months. Everything I have gone through I think I am crazy for even saying yes to this. Yes to my husband working across state while I raise our kids back home. Have you met me I am not one who would have ever volunteered this. Never was having 6 kids in the cards, I even know how crazy that sounds. But let me tell you what I have learned. God thinks I am able and entrusted me with them.
I doubt myself everyday but I don't doubt what God thinks of me. My kids are forgiving and I have to remember that. I am crazy not Super Mom but I am crazy about doing work for God. Not only did we take in children we took in half of what we already had. There are days when I hit the floor and kick and scream. Then there are other days when I take a deep breathe and think WOW we got through today. This journey has been wild that for sure. Sometimes a conversation with my husband doesn't even happen in the day because its to chaotic. If something can go wrong with the process of the move it has. Changes have happened a lot and I am honest when I say I don't roll with the punches. Just yesterday another mishap with the move. Just goes to to show me I am not in control and to remember who is. Last Sunday getting everyone dressed and ready for first service was a mission. That morning was not pretty although I sat in the seat of the car thinking this isn't me all the Glory goes to God.  Trust me when I say the hardest things you try to stay away from because you don't think you can do it, HE will get you through it. There is no way I could take credit for all that has happened. This blog has a lot of I's in it which brings me to a verse. " I can do all things though Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

So I don't claim to be Super Mom just Super crazy for a God who loves me unconditionally. 

We are one day before we start this journey in Az tomorrow our Boys will adopted that is a whole other blog for another day. Can't believe they will be Napier's. Many of you have followed our journey for these last 3 years. I want to let you know tomorrow is a big day and if you want to see and be apart of something amazing we invite you to come. We have friends and family from all walks of life going to be there. Yes its 15 minutes long but you get to watch 3 boys who will be entered ino a forever family. PM me if you would like to go. Today is also my girls last day of  school where they will say goodbye to teachers and friends they have ever known. Pray for our family as these 2 days will be very emotional and chaotic. We move tomorrow and pack up our whole house and life of all we have ever known.