Saturday, June 30, 2012


This Month would have been the month we would have started our adoption process. Its so hard to grasp that things could have been so different for our Family. I have been so raw and honest with everything that this has got to be the hardest month of all. Knowing it's national Adoption month doesn't help as much as I know it is the most greatest blessing for these children who we know and love very much. Doesn't subside that we have a loss. To see where I was emotionally during this blog I wrote when I found out they could be going. Knowing the boys could be leaving and not fathoming it at all. Typing and crying at the same time because this blog became our reality they are gone. So I thought I would share the blog again. I am human with trying to comfort my heart with God's promises and It's a struggle. At that time I guess I truly  believed  they wouldn't be going and I was so wrong. This is my testament to true Selfless Faith. So yes I struggle my blogging is my outlet and God will see us through.

I have been so honest during our journey to adoption. So much that you guys know the good and the bad. With foster adoption there is no guarantee even though you are called with a case that sounds promising.

 So here it goes, last week on our way to vacation I received an email with the words of "approval" that's right. The family member was approved. The person we were hoping get approved was. I was shocked I truly didn't think it would happen. I thought we had enough reasons that it wouldn't. So let me just tell you being stuck in traffic for 4 hours with this news was not fun at all. I had to truly hold it in so the kids wouldn't wonder what was wrong with me and start to pray.

 I don't want to say it or share it because that just makes it more real for me. But its the the one thing we did not want to have to go through again. My boys could be leaving in 14 days. Gone where I will never see them again to someone they do not even know. If you have kept up with us on our journey you know that this same exact time last year we lost our Little Elijah. Same exact time can you believe that? I can't it is so weird and hard. I truly know the word trial because we are facing it. We have to know that the boys we have so cherished and cared and loved for and taken in as our own could potentially not be here. That is hard to grasp.

So here it is, We are a testament to Jesus Christ!!!! He will see us through it with out him we would not be able to do it.He is going to get us through the hardest or the best times. We know he is a ever loving God and how ever it works out he is there. If we say we are Christians than we have to attest to it. If that means that we love the orphans and they go or if they stay we have to know we did what we were called to do.

   With getting the email and feeling like my world was caving in and stuck in the hottest part of the desert. I hear a sweet voice from the back of the car and  her not knowing what I just had found out. She says" Mommy look what that sign says"TRUST JESUS" It was clear as day right their on a power pole in the middle of no where. A yellow sign with red letters that made me cry even more because I knew in that moment that God was there. He wanted me to see it at that time.

So I would please ask that you keep our family in your prayers.

JULY 13th is going to be a very hard day. This is the day we can be saying goodbye to our boys or continuing our journey to adopting them. If you are a Mother than you know the feeling of you never wanting to loose your children.  Knowing that I will have someone decide that for me is going to be rough.

Last year on July 18th we lost Elijah. It is kind of hard to know that these two dates are so close together. These 2 little boys do not deserve to go through what they are going through and we are going to do all we can to keep them safe. So please keep them in your prayers that they will stay safe in all of this.

July 13th will mark 8 months since they have been with us. We have had the hardest and best times during it also. I am thankful for everyone who has invested in our family and supported us along the way. The boys will not know or our children til that day we feel that is best for them. So all these little people involved lift them up in your prayers as they don't understand what is going on.

         Psalms 55:22
      Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
     he will never let the righteous fall.

Monday, June 18, 2012

A Great Man..

Fathers Day....
   This whole day has a lot of meaning to it for me. I have a Dad that I treasure and a Father in Law who is a Great role model. Then there is my Husband who has truly modeled what a Daddy is and he is a Great Man.
I always write my Blogs about our kids or the struggles I deal with or our adoption journey. But today I wanted to share about Tyler. He is so behind the scenes and I don't think he would mind me sharing about him.
  He has taken his role as Father true to fact. His passion for kids is deniable but his willingness to always set aside his time for them is amazing to me.He is a true example of Christ and our kids can see that there Daddy is a Godly man. The kids always look forward to when he comes home and they know he will play. He never forgets to tell his girls how beautiful they are or hug them so much they run away because they can't breathe. He is teaching little Tyler to be a gentleman and that he has three ladies that he needs to respect and to know they are precious. So now Little Tyler will say "Mommy the girls can go first because I am a gentleman and Daddy teaches me that" 

The biggest compliment I can give my husband is he is CONSISTENT he is truly always the same. No he is not perfect nor am I by far!! But I do relish on the fact that he is always the same with me. Our kids get to see How much he loves there Mommy and how much I love there Daddy. 
 Tyler is the definition of CO-PARENT any of you who know us  know that is true. He helps me more 
  than I could ask for. He makes being Mommy of 5 so easy and I say easy lightly because if you have a lot of children it is never easy in all sort of categories but it having a partner like Ty he is the reason it is worth it.
        I am so blessed that God chose Tyler for me and to be the Father to our children I couldn't of asked for a Better Man. He does the best thing and that is making our kids laugh he is the funniest Dad and that is the best thing for me to hear is when they are laughing at there Daddy.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Lola turns 3

Three years ago today I delivered a 6 pound 6 ounces little girl at Ucla.
I was such in shock and couldn't believe I was a Mommy of three. The whole time I was pregnant I would say I just want her to look like me. Lola just needs to look like me because Faith and Averee really didn't.

So what do you know that happened I have a Mini me. She looks just like me. Lola is such a joy and brightens everyone's day. This morning she was grumpy and said "She didn't want to be three" but she sure did love opening her gifts. Today was a fun day with her and making her feel special. Lola is such a blessing and continues to bless us everyday. Her mind is always thinking and she say's the funniest things ever. I can't believe my baby girl is 3. She is getting bigger by the day.Thank you God for blessing us with Lola.

                Happy Birthday Lola..................

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Wedenesdays are rough..

  So this day is hard for me they are never easy and they don't settle well at all.
The morning is rough and he acts differently it's like this day over comes him also.
This day is visit day.
 Visit day with her the only person he has ever known to be safe to him. Would I call it safe absolutely not. It is all he knows though. So this day can never settle well in my heart. I didn't want to write this post because then I have to share my issues and say what my struggle in sin is.
It's extending Grace to her.
 Why should I be nice to her I know what has happened in the past and I know how things have happened. I have struggled with going and taking them. 
So I haven't.
I have made every excuse in the book to go and face her. Because if I do I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to keep from saying something that I shouldn't.
Well yesterday was the day that I had dreaded I had to take them. I already could already tell I was 
feeling anxiety over it.
 So I had to give it to God.
In that I realized God extended Grace on my life that I am not even worthy of. But he thinks I am.
Growing up the way I did I could of ended up like her. I am no different.
God's Grace is what saved me.
 His Grace is free and I choose Grace.
Shame on me for not showing Grace to her when I should of.
I prayed right when I picked them up that I could be a light and not show darkness.
Because I might be the only Light she might see.
Yesterday showed me that I am no different except for the fact that I chose Grace.
Some people don't even when it is given freely.
If we lived in a world where Grace was given our hearts would be less hardened.

2 Corinthians 12:9
 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

It is his by Grace that I can truly put my issues aside and be the Light. The world would see it different but that's when I had to remember that I am different.
I love differently because it is only through him that I can.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

He Laughs..

So I know I said I would let the world know when my little man laughs.

HE laughs. He laughs He laughs.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing it happened about a week ago. That loud chuckle babies make when they are about 3-4 months old. I though it wasn't going to happen for him. He is now 71/2 months now and realized he can laugh.

What makes him laugh....

When you kiss him in his neck and talk to him with a real high pitched voice. He has realized that he can laugh instead of cry like what he kind of still does but he is realizing it more. He still can't be over stimulated his little body and nerves can't handle it.

But boy hearing this little guy laugh would make anyone smile. I know God is.

HE is overcoming a lot and it will all take time I know this. He still has his struggles and will cry most hours through out the day if he's not eating or sleeping he's crying. Those days are by far the worst days. We get through them.

He is still figuring out everything and he is doing well.

I am so grateful to God...

He Laughs... 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

A special Blessing One year Ago Today..

You know those dates where things happen in your life that you will always remember. I mean a year ago for some people they might not know what they did June 9th 2011. Well that day for our family was the biggest scariest, most incredible day.

                 June 9th was the day we went to go meet a new little baby for the first time. Elijah........

Oh this day was filled with such unknowns I had the biggest butterflies ever. We were going to be bringing a  new baby home. The girls were so excited they stayed with Grandma Suzette and they all waited with anticipation. We picked him up 2:00 a clock and man that time didn't come fast enough. I remember all day long receiving   the most kindness text and phone calls from friends and family just saying that they were so excited for us.

      So it was 2:00 a clock and we walked into the building and waited and in comes a round face cutie
       pie. He was so precious and I couldn't believe that he was going to be ours. We didn't know anything about the adoption process they said he was going to be ours and he was going to be able to be adopted so we thought that was it.

 I rode in the back seat with him and just looked at his face thinking this is so unreal. I can't believe we are on our way to bring this baby home."and I didn't have to go through Just had to say that.

 Ty pulled into the drive way and 3 anxious little people were waiting and when they saw him they were just in awe. He was 3 months exactly that day and he was happy from then on. I loved to just have him lay next to me and just stare at him.
                  June 9th is day our family will remember as a great day. Although following later that summer
we never expected to come of what did. So we take this day as a day that our family will embrace...


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Making Time..

Recoup orating from the day before it was a rough day. All things that could go wrong went wrong. I mean I did the woe is me thing like half the day. Everyone was tired from our big day before two kiddies were getting sick and I also was not feeling well.   At dinner I was able just to eat with the two oldest Faith and Averee and go over our day. Letting them know that I was sorry for the I acted and if they would forgive me.

                 During dinner with them I realized they needed  some  Mommy time. Time just to be able to have my undivided attention and for them to be able to say whatever they are feeling. Now them being the 2 oldest it was just us 3 for a while. They didn't know any different. Now they share me with 3 other siblings and each of them require something different. The same thing that they all do require is time. So this morning I took the two older ones and we went and had a starbucks and talked. Oh they were so excited they had so much to say and so many questions. We all enjoyed each other they helped me shop for groceries and sipped on there yummy chocolate smoothies what a treat. After taking them this morning I realized that yesterday's day was a gift from God a gift letting me know how blessed I am to have these children and to take time with them. Even when we feel like we are going to loose it there is joy to be found. Trust me it didn't feel like that at the time but when I reflected on my day and put it in his hands he let me see the Joy.


 Every good and perfect gift is from above,coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Monday, June 4, 2012

A Brave little Warrior

A typical Saturday at the Napier house is little kiddies waking up way to early.
Mind you Ty and I don't want to be in this category but it goes with the territory. Well this was a regular Saturday kids already lathered in Sunblock breakfast all done and in there bathing suits playing in there little pool. Let me say it was only 8 a clock too. I was in the kitchen and see Averee and little Tyler throwing water back and forth at each other and I go back to putting dishes away. Then I hear this loud thump..
I knew someone had hit the house well then a loud scream came after and I knew.. Little Tyler was at the screen door covered in blood. He had hit the corner of the stucco post dead center of his forehead. Well I of course freaked out none of my girls have ever hurt themselves like in a serious situation. So I had never experienced this kind of thing. I was smart enough to know he needed stitches. So I called Big Ty in the house and of course he thinks I am over reacting when I call him and is thinking he's fine until he see's it. So Ty gets ready and I get little Tyler ready to go to the hospital with Daddy. Little Tyler say's to me while holding the cloth to his head "Mommy I am like a real Warrior now" I said "You are right buddy you are a warrior".

As the girls and I waited for him they Averee was so scared and she wanted to pray for him that he would be ok. So her and Lola prayed. I thought about what he had said about being a real warrior and how true that was. He has endured things and faced battles at such a young age and that day he got hurt he faced it with such strength. He didn't freak out he did cry of course, I mean who wouldn't? He calmed down in a traumatic situation and trusted Tyler and myself to see him through it. I mean think about it. Living in a new place and experiencing such trauma and having to trust people who you have not Known for a long time. Well he did and he came out like a Warrior. 7 stitches later and will have the scar to prove it. I will be ale to tell everyone that scar is a battle he did win with trusting and overcoming it like a warrior.