Wednesday, July 18, 2012

July 18th Forever Changed....

It seems like just yesterday we went through the motions.The motions of Elijah leaving..

WOW it was a hard day but I can say we have been forever changed. God showed us some mighty things. He was preparing our hearts for what was ahead. What we are going through now is definitely not easy but we are going to get through it. We were so new to the process and didn't even know what to expect. I know from other people Elijah is doing well and that means so much for us.

We know nothing is a guarantee and even if we think no one is watching what we are doing with these children. The one most important one see's God! He see's it all he see's us caring for those orphans and living the mission. We aren't perfect but being perfected through Christ.

This day we won't mourn but be glad in him that he chose us to take care of that little precious Elijah.

Trust me at the time of all of this I couldn't see it this way but God's mercy is abundant. Even if we feel like we are going to loose it he is right there holding on.

But here is the kicker you have to allow him to hold on. You can't get through it with out him.

Our family is going through some big changes and will continue to be. God knows our hearts and we have treasures waiting for us. Even if it's
is not where we think they are.

Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is,there is your heart also.

Friday, July 13, 2012

In that Moment...

Today was the hardest day yet we thought we were facing. We woke up prepared as we ever were. I woke up with knots and Tyler silent this morning.

The kids oh they are just kids and so innocent they knew what today was yet they could carry on and be themselves. Laughing and running around at 6:30 mind you. I so admired them they truly showed me 
to relax and just breathe.

We said goodbyes and I wanted my kisses to the boys to be like any other time I kiss them and just think
I will see them when we get back and cuddle them and not think of anything else. So we were off the longest drive in the world neither Ty and I having much to say respecting each others mood.

Were here that place..That place that so reminds you of what is really about to happen and the things around that you see that breaks your heart. At this time I am in line and praying God be with me and please let me be the light and not take in the bitterness surrounding me.

We felt like we had been sitting for hours and then it was our turn. I walked with Ty taking my deep breathe saying "Ok God your in control and always have been".

We sit down and I am holding Ty's hand as tight as I can then in 2 minutes we hear continued to a couple of weeks. What?? Don't get me wrong that is great it is more time with the boys if anything goes different. But we were ready and wanted to know what was going to happen.

So Today I am Thankful
I am Thankful that they are with us and safe. I am thankful that we get to have our boys with us on a very special time the BEACH HOUSE. If you know our family then you know we do it every year for a week and last year 5 days before Elijah was sent right before. 
 We have to go through this again August 2 and there will be a decision made.

We are Hopeful and so scared at the same time. Seeing what your children could potentially be going to is hard especially when you know its not safe. I am not Judging I am having discernment if any Mother saw what I saw today you would not even question. 

So from the bottom of my heart I truly appreciate you who follows our blog and prays with our family.
Also pray for the others involved that they find Jesus. 


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Then came the trying time.

 So I just got done writing how I am finding Joy this week and to be honest I was doing so well. Then I got some news I was not expecting. It took my breathe away and didn't even really have much to say still in shock. It has do with our case I just don't think I should say what it is, it did make this all to real the thought of loosing them. I will tell you what it caused us to have to do.

After Ty and I talked about it we both decided it was time to tell the kids what is going on. So I am being so honest and real with our journey I will you tell you this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Tell your son that he can potentially be moving to another house and you will no longer see him. WELL I CRIED!!!! I tried so hard to be strong. How do you look in the face of little boy who is a part of your family. He had no reaction can you blame him all the things he has been through he doesn't know what is permanent or not. We assured him everything will be ok and that we will know more Friday we also left him with tools to apply with if he goes. Meaning what is right from wrong and to know if something is going wrong to tell someone. The most important thing we said is "Buddy, Jesus will be with you always and he loves you very much."

 So after that as we gathered ourselves together and was dreading the next thing telling our girls. I mean really I just had to do this 1 year ago that there little bubba Elijah was leaving, now this. So we did we told them everything exactly and did it crying. They both in tears them both knowing that is was never permanent until the Judge says so but to prepare their little hearts of the potential. Then the comment came from my sweet Averee that ripped our hearts out. She is crying mind you while saying this" Why do other people get to keep there babies and we don't? " I'm done I thought at that moment.. I told her Honey we don't know why and we have to know that we are doing what God has asked us to.
I mean these little girls are learning so much at a young age of selfless faith, love and servant hood. I don't really ever brag but on this occasion I have to. I told them I am so proud of you girls you have shown Mommy and Daddy so much of loving and acceptance they took in these boys from day one and treated them with a pure heart. My girls know that their little brothers could be leaving but they still trust God at ages 6 and 9. You want to know what Averee was concerned with? If Tyler would still love Jesus if he goes and if the person who gets him knows who Jesus is?? My daughter at 6 is worried about that, not if she will see him again but if he will continue his life with God in it.

So there you go in a nutshell of a day we have had we prayed after all of it and still say God we loved you before and will still after. We will grieve if need be but this isn't over until we know it's over.

I am Thankful for this week...

If you have been following my blog you know what this week is.
Friday is the day we have court for our adoption process.It has been a process that is for sure. I never thought we would be faced with this kind of week at all. But with this process anything can happen. 

I have a hope and peace this week believe it or not. I am not stressful or crying all the time I am finding what to be Thankful for and Joy within my days. I am so Thankful for having these boys in our home and lives and that we have been able to bring them into a loving Christ centered home. I find Joy when I get to experience things with them and get to see them smile. I am Thankful for the Love and acceptance it has taught my children through this journey. They will forever be changed and we will be also.

I have learned so much about myself along the way how much I rely on God and how he gives me a peace in hope through it all.

Your probably thinking how can you even be going through it ok? We are and we do it with being selfless because we don't know God's ultimate plan. If his ultimate plan is for them to go back then we have to know that is his plan. If they stay with us that is part of his plan well it's not over.

We will take in these two lives and and be a servant to their well being.We are still servants if they go. 

We have a Hope for our future just like we do the boys. God has showed us so many things along the way. Our family is going to be going through some big changes and we are excited and relying on God's direction.

This week I wake up and say Thank you God for that one more day with them. That is one more day to love and cherish them.

In your most trying times in life give it to God and don't worry because worrying tells God he isn't big enough to handle it. Don't get me wrong I will cry if goes a certain way I am human and have tears for a reason but I will not question it, because it isn't my right to ask why? I have learned that through are last journey.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Still in Love...

 Yesterday was our 11 year anniversary. Very crazy to me considering I come from a divorced family. I have never really had a model of marriage or even seen them last in my family.

Tyler and I have been together since we were 16 and have been through a lot in all these years. We married at 19 years old me 3 weeks out of high school. Tyler 2 years out of high school and working a full time job. Tyler and I got a lot of flack from people not being together before our wedding night.Ty and I both waited til we were married neither of us being with anyone before. That is something we hold with pride it doesn't make us better than anyone it is just what we knew was right. I was taking marriage counseling the same time I was planning high school activities. At the beginning of our marriage we were still becoming adults while trying to be husband and wife and that is a transition.

I have learned so many things being married to Ty and have grown so much. He would say my cooking is 100 times better.. I can tell one thing about our marriage and how it has been able to be at the stage it is today.  From day one it has been Christ centered. Marriage is hard work and if you want a good one you have to work hard at it. My husband is an amazing Man and has grown in so many ways. I too have also grown and the best part of it is we have grown together.
 We have never been to proud to say we have had rough times because nothing is perfect.We have been through some hard things but we see the light and come through it together. Marriage is hard work and if you want a good one you have to work at it. Being with someone at such a young age and going through life with them you get to watch them grow. If you could see us at 19 being married, boy we had no clue. Tyler loves me more than I can ask and I am so grateful to God for putting him in my life. I am still in love with that guy with the mo hawk and so blessed to be his wife. I don't take our marriage for granted.
 Being in Love with each other 11 years later and even more. He is still my #1 guy.
 God created marriage. No government subcommittee envisioned it. No social organization developed it. Marriage was conceived and born in the mind of God.”  ~ Max Lucado


Friday, July 6, 2012

Are you Comfortable??

Being comfortable, not comfortable like on a couch relaxing comfortable. Is your life comfortable?
Everything Possible with God

I mean do you step out if your life is comfortable? Where you live, what kind of job you have how far do you go out?

 This is a question I wonder for so many reasons does being comfortable allow God to work in our lives.Getting out of your comfort zone and he will work. I never have been someone who has done well with being comfortable, meaning I don't grow. God calls everyone to something it is just if your willing to not be comfortable anymore. That includes how many different changes have gone in your life that you didn't plan for? Right here!! My hand is raised!!! Our lives have changed big time and it is for the better. Even after everything we are enduring at this moment. I want to allow God to work in us even if that means we get uncomfortable.

Step out and allow God to get you out of that safe zone because he will use you. He doesn't call you let you fail. Just because we have our lives one way, does not mean that is in his way.