Monday, April 27, 2015

It Doesn't Last Forever...

 Oh my sweet, sweet friend there is Hope in the darkest place. I know it can feel like you can never escape this darkest moment. No one could quite understand what you are going through, but there is light at the end of that dark road, I know because I was on it. Panic attacks and anxiety stole my joy, my life and moments that should have been beautiful, but were not. We all experience that dark place but for many of us that looks different. My dark place, of anxiety, and panic attacks I know is very common and most don't share about it. I know I'm an open book, but sometimes you really can't reach people if you aren't open. No one ever knows what a story has if they keep the book closed. So that is why I wanted to share this part. I have come a long way in these last six months. Not being able to eat or shower or do anything out of fear, was the most terrifying experience. My husband and Mom saw me at my worst. I was either laying on the ground paralyzed with fear or pacing the house in panic. I never thought that I would feel like my self again. Being a Mom wasn't able to happen and I am not lying when I say that. I was literally watched over by my Mom and Ty, there were days when I just laid in a dark room. I will never forget crying to Tyler saying; "Will this ever go away?"  The feeling of I could never get through this, was so real and it ruled my life. Friends, it does go away and it doesn't last forever. Sometimes being in that dark place gets you to notice the better when maybe you wouldn't have before. I can already tell that half of you that read this have felt alone in the dark moments that you go through.
We all do a great job making life look different from what we really experience. Surround yourself by people who will cut you slack and are supportive even in the ugly uncomfortable situations. I missed many social invites I felt guilty but my friends and people around me understood. Sure not everyone understands what you are going through but just being loved through it is enough. My bible study girls showed up at my house with dinners for me in my rough season. They didn't ask me questions just loved me and sure I told them everything I was going through. If this is you right now alone and in that spot please go get help, it is ok to get help. Don't listen to this world that tells you, you are weak for getting help or even getting on meds. Can we just say thank you to the people who made those meds... I myself have been on different types of medicines and never did they work for me actually made my symptoms worse... But I now take enough vitamins to fill an easter egg, I don't think that it matters if you are or aren't on medicine, it first of all shouldn't have to be shameful or even a secret?  I  personally know some people who might look like they have it all together but actually they are on those medicines because it helps them. We live in a society that some would say you are weak if you need to resort to medicine. Well, those people need to spend a week with some of us mentally ill and then tell me what they would think. All to say is, don't be ashamed for getting help but be proud that you did. Trust me you are stronger for getting help and even admitting you need it. My friend, it doesn't have to last forever if you don't let it. Your/our dark moments are not lasting, just a glitch to this thing called life.

1 comment:

  1. How inspiring! What a brave things to post. You have a beautiful, caring heart and are helping so many others.