Not letting the Past scar me for the Furture...

2 years ago we started the adoption process changing our lives forever. Saying yes to a calling to love the ORPHANS.

Oh how these 2 years have left some pretty harsh unknowns to what we thought would have turned out different. I mean if you think about it we all like to plan out our lives and how we think they should go. We say we want what God has for our lives and surrender but when things don't go as planned, Then what? Loosing our first placement in adoption rocked our worlds we were so new to the system and no clue. We thought what did we just get our self's into? WE say yes to taking in a child to have them taken. Then we recover, only to find out we are getting two more little boys. Scared not knowing what could happen these boys became apart of our family.


Again us planning what we thought was best, never knowing what God always did the worst day happened.One year ago August 4th we walked two boys into a car to a social worker who would forever take them away. That day is always fresh in mind and so is of my girls who to this day don't forget one single detail. We miss those boys so much it hurts yes this family still aches for them. Sometimes my girls have some pretty bad crying episodes and we all cry. Grieving is hard.

Yet we move on because we TRUST HIS PLANS  . 6 months ago our lives once again changed when 3 little people came adding 6 to the mix. Everyone is still adjusting our girls love the boys.
I my self still struggling with this major change into what I thought Mothering would be. Sometimes I can't believe that I myself have 6 kids and God is entrusting them to me, I let him down on a daily basis.  It is hard work rehabbing 3 boys into a so called normal environment I cry usually once a week to my self and beg God to help me. HE works on me daily and I'm defiantly a piece of work. I think back when it all started  it was easy with 4 it was easy with 5 and now it is going to get there one day but with adoption there is a 6 month- hard hump you have t get over and we are in it. Just recently our  family has heard more news about our future and our lives and loosing Hope real fast is so easy. When you haven't experienced it yet and are still holding on you get weak. Yet God will give you little glimmers of hope along the way even if you don't think they are. Yes this life we chose to live is hard but living a life full frontal of truth for God is hard. If it were easy everyone would do it everyone would like you which is definitely not the case for this family. But we do it for HIM. Recently I was shown that HE has to be enough even when things don't go our way. Trust me I have been struggling with this only to get bad news after bad news.


Then God leaves me those glimmers of HOPE because HE is enough.... This verse has been showing up to me at all different times and I wanted to share it with you.

                           For Nothing will Be Impossible with GOD
                                                 LUKE 1:37


I wish one year ago I could of known how it would have all turned out but that wasn't for me to know. I am finding out all the thing about myself that I need to fix and it isn't pretty but what I am learning is surrendering my life means ALL of it not just some of it...


                                         MY Mama heart has been filled with 9 loving souls.
                              Sometimes doors have to close for others to open even if that
                                 means a couple get slammed on you along the way...