Ty and I were anticipating our drive because we knew in just 45 minutes we were going to meet 3 little's that could potentially be in our home.
We had our first meeting place in a small room at a human service building. This room is all white with a window that is placed for people to see in but you can't see out. Definitely not an inviting place but we made best out of the situation. As we walked in there were three little boys with such dark hair that covers there face. Hair that may not be cut because the parents said no! Such dark beautiful skin and dark brown eyes. A sweet baby who was playing with toys. The other two boys looked at Tyler and I and we sat on the floor to their level and said "Hello". These boys were typical boys who just wanted to play.
I observed everything about them I could thinking what have they been through what will they be like?
Ty who was in heaven had them wrestling with him and speaking spanish. The three year old can speak Spanish and English a match made for Ty who can speak spanish. We met the foster parents who spoke very little english. They were very kind and you can tell the genuinely love the boys but they can't continue to care for them. These foster parents had to be in their late 50's. We were able to communicate through Ty and the social worker with them so we could ask about the boys. The sweet foster Mom broke down and cried which made me cry because she is going to miss them. I so know how she feels!
We had the hour visit and said our Goodbyes. Ty and I left to have lunch and talk everything over. I was in complete shock!!! Ty ready raring to go. I couldn't grasp what just happened and what is about to happen. Three little boys are about to enter our sorta normal home and I know for a fact it is all going to be turned upside down! These little boys were jumping on the coffee tables hitting going through my purse I just couldn't get a handle on it. So that whole day I was angry, sad, and overwhelmed.
Angry that we are starting this whole process over. That we just did this helping two boys last year from horrible habits and how hard that was. To thinking we are starting this all over. Sad that what I think is normal will not be anymore also knowing I will never have any more babies in the home. Overwhelmed that I will be mothering 6 kiddos. 3 kiddos which have not been raised with boundaries or really parents more like a grandparent style.
SO I am being perfectly HONEST!! I was ready to say no...
I saw these three broken little boys and I wasn't sure I wanted to take them in and unfold it all.
So through praying and talking with Tyler who is my voice of reason and rock. He told me you really need to pray about this and take whatever you think the fantasy case is out the window. He told me you said it yourself these children don't come from white picked fence situations.
That day I went for my run which I have taking up running and now I am addicted. Im at 2 miles right now. I clear my head a lot when I run. The song Crazy Love came on by
Hawk Nelson. If you haven't listened to it you should the lyrics are great.
Just then I realized we are all Broken. We are like these three little boys in that office and yet God still takes us and wants to be our Father. He doesn't look the other way because we are going to make mistakes and do things wrong. He loves us no matter what we do.
GRACE... He extends it,He is it and He gives it to us.
I just finished my run and this all came to me. Just then I realized I will not let my fears or selfish reasons for following through what God has called us to do.
Trust me I am scared and excited all at the same time. ADOPTION needs an equal sign next to it that Says "CRAZY, RISKY, HARD, SELFLESS, BLESSING and so many more.
God truly help me see why I was feeling that way. To really look at my own life and the way God has been there for me.
These three little boys need parents, boundaries, love and for them to know there is a relentless God who Loves them.
They come this week for a day, meet the girls and will see their new house. I am praying the transition goes smoothly for them. I am praying that God will help me minimize any expectations for right now and that we will take this 1 day at a time.
We are ready for them I have made their beds and got the rooms ready. I look at them thinking these could permanently have sleeping boys in it.
This came up on my computer and it spoke to me then ever!!!!
Be RECKLESS for God he knows how everything will turn out!!