Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Different special Christmas...

WOW.. It has been while since my last blog man the season is busy that is for sure.It didnt help either that my computer went to the Dr's. This seems to be the time where there are extra dinner parties extra activities at church, school, ect..

We had a good Thanksgiving hosted it here with some Family. Thanksgiving came by so fast the time just seems to speed up during these two months. So then it is Christmas I was so excited to decorate and bake and do the extra things during this month. The first thing hit me when I was pulling out the stockings and seeing the two that had been made that won't be up on the mantle. Yes I did I sobbed like a baby I couldn't believe how much it hurt. I gave myself 10 minutes and stopped. I then sat there and wondered if they will be able to have a Christmas
 because I have no idea. I can torture myself and think they won't especially to know  what Tyler was able to experience last year. He had a Christmas I am so Thankful he will never forget a Christmas full of love and seeing what it is truly about. I remember last Christmas he never had a Tree, so to decorate it he loved it. Then on Christmas morning my anticipation for him to be able to walk out and see his face shocked me. Not a bad way almost a little overwhelming. He had no expression really he was overwhelmed never experienced anything like it. So that is where I torture myself is him not being able to have that every year its hard. Holidays are hard for I think anyone who is grieving I don't know what it is. I mean it is the most meaningful time. Our Savior was born!!! The girls especially my Averee have had some hard times with the boys not being here at Christmas but boy do we ever love to talk about them and laugh about the times we had.

At the beginning of the month I went to a Christmas Tea it was so nice. The speaker went up and she was talking and said " I want to show this video".We'll can I just tell you when God wants to speak to you he will let you know and he did. I heard the music and saw and I knew it was for me. I cried so hard I had to be consoled but the cry was different. It was yes a little sad but a happy cry. Here is the video the very beginning is what  I want you to see and understand what I mean.

I know you think Michelle always puts things on here that make me cry. Well if I have learned anything its ok to cry. Someone told me God gave us tears for a reason. 
This is our temporary
home and the boys they are also to in their temporary home. Even though they are not with us and I have no clue what it is like for them. I have that hope that is there Temporary home. That one day I will see them and we will be in our permanent home together. I know this video was meant for me that day because it has truly helped me this time of year. We can get so caught up in this world and our own desires and forgetting the real reason of it all. God is coming back one day if it is this life time or not. We know as a Family we gave Tyler the guidance into his true salvation even if he was only 6 he accepted God into his heart and will have that for the rest of his life and to guide his little brother. This honestly was the best gift because I would of been on a one way mind set this Christmas but God got us through. This Christmas was special because we were thankful for having the Boys at all and sharing the memories with them. Remember the small things in life are really small things. Don't get caught up with what YOU think is important. I have fought this battle the last 5 months and I am freed of it.


1 comment:

  1. Great song. You are right about your role in Tyler's life. Scripture is very clear that some of us plant the seed, a whole bunch of people water it, and when it is full grown, someone harvests that plant. You guys were called to plant the seed in Tyler's heart, and your family and friends got to water the seed you planted. That seed will grow, and along the way our Heavenly Father will send someone to harvest it.

    Our job is to be faithful with our role, to play our part, that way God gets the glory, and no one person can stake a claim to Tyler's salvation except our Heavenly Father.

    Pray for you guys often, yours is not an easy call.