Thursday, October 11, 2012

Finding Joy in what God HAs called us to do.

 It is has been a while since I have blogged about our adoption journey. It seems like we have had the cry wolf situations, of the Napier's are adopting twice and both failing miserably. You are probably thinking how can you say that. I am being honest, twice now we have attempted to bring in forever children to our home and it hasn't happened. Oh the suffering in it is HARD having two failed attempts that would get you. If you didn't have God in the center of it which we have. Having friends and family so involved with the ones you bring in because you think they will end up being yours people get attached and start to bond. So when there is a crucial decision made that affects EVERYONE it is rough. Our family is healing our girls are doing good. They still want to talk about them and they are allowed to as much as they want. We don't act like they were never here. We like to remember different things that went on during the time we had them. It as been 2 1/2 months since we went from a family of 7 to 5. We are back to the 5 like we were before maybe a little different because of what we went through. I mean I have my days. Two weeks ago it all came out and I wish I could take that day back but I can't. It was not fun. It was pure anger that came out it happened it finally happened. I snapped I was so angry at God and screaming at him. WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW ME TO BRING IN CHILDREN TO  OUR HOME AND TURN MY HOUSE AND KIDS UPSIDE DOWN?? I couldn't hold it any longer. I was angry that our family had to experience what we just went through. My crying turned into sobbing because I realized then that we were called to do this hurting or no hurting. And that is wasn't about us at all. It was about loving these two special people even if God planned for them to leave because they are Gods children and I knew right then that God was hurting too. We can't put stipulations on what God has called us too. Your heart has to be all in or its truly not for Him!!!

 So I know what your thinking are they going to do this again?? I mean we read her blog and cry at all her stories how could they? I will tell you why because we were called to something AND WE KNOW IN THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS GOD WILL HONOR IT. That one day my blog will say " WE ARE ADOPTING AMEN" and can't wait til that day but until then we will persevere and know God has a plan for us and we will wait in JOY. Remember we don't live this life for ourselves we live to serve others even if that means God gives and takes away.                                                                                                                                                        
                                                             Proverbs 23:18
                  You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.

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